1781 Chapter five, just like in the dream, is exactly the same
I am an illegitimate child.
My name is Zhai An.
My mother is gentle, originally not gentle, he is the descendant of the northern Xia country’s late emperor aristocracy.
When I was born, my mother had not married my father, and when my mother married my father, I had already reached the age of basic understanding. I have a half-brother, he hates me very much, he felt that I had taken over his territory.
In fact, my mother and I disdained everything in the Zhai family.
My mother once told me that we were just lodging in this place. One day, we would have more important places to go.
I met Gu Xin at a banquet.
My mother said that she would introduce two little friends to me. Then, I met Gu Xin and man man.
Man Man was very beautiful, and Gu Xin was very smart.
Gu Xin took my hand and said that we were good friends.
I really wanted to be their best friend.
We grew up together.
When I was growing up, my mother sent me to a place called the training ground. My cousin and Ye Heng were also there. We did bloody things to survive each other, but I didn’t like that kind of place, i only wanted to use my hands to photograph the scenery I liked, to photograph the Gu Xin I liked.
I didn’t know how it started, but I fell in love with Gu Xin.
I liked to watch her smile without a care in the world. I liked to watch her in front of me, making a lot of noise. I liked her every move.
I thought she liked me too when she kissed me during a tutoring class.
When I got back that night, I was so excited that I didn’t sleep at all.
pan-da-n0vel.com When I finally fell asleep and woke up, my underwear was all wet.
I sneaked out to wash my underwear. With shyness and unspeakable happiness, I recorded everything in my diary.
When I gathered up the courage to confess my love to Gu Xin.
Gu Xin told me first. She said, “I’m in love with Zhai Yi.”
This was probably a bolt from the blue.
I saw her smiling brightly. I saw her happy appearance. In the end, I did not say a word.
I chose to leave Beixia Kingdom and go to a university abroad.
I thought that after a few years, I would probably forget about Gu Xin.
A few years later, I came back because my mother told me that Gu Xin was going to get married to Zhai Yi.
I think I should still be calm.
I chose to come back calmly to attend their wedding and then decided to stay in northern Xia kingdom. I failed to live up to my mother’s expectations of me, but I thought that I would be able to be filial to my mother in my lifetime. Her life was not easy.
That night, I accidentally passed by my father’s study and heard what my father and Zhai Yi said. They said that within three years, they would obtain the gu group through Gu Xin.
I had always known that my father and my elder brother were typical businessmen.
Businessmen would do anything for profit.
Zhai Yi would definitely choose to follow my father’s wishes in order to obtain the inheritance rights of the Zhai Corporation.
I did not even think much about it. I went to look for Gu Xin.
I was afraid that she would not be able to accept this blow when the time came. I had to admit that I still loved her.
A few years, a few decades, it probably wouldn’t fade away. Her bright smile brought shock to my heart.
Gu Xin rejected me.
Thinking about it, this was the first time I had confessed to her. Not only did she reject me, she also hated me.
I saw a big cart coming over. I purposely pulled Gu Xin and then let her push me out. I finally cheated on the path of love.
The Doctor said that my blood clot was pressing on my nerves and I was blind.
I had the ability to negotiate with Gu Xin.
To make up for the debt I owed my mother, my father used 20% of Zhai’s shares to make Zhai Yi let go.
When Zhai Yi let go, Gu Xin agreed to marry me.
Our wedding was very simple.
After we got married, we lived together.
Because my eyes were inconvenient, there were two servants in the house.
Gu Xin ignored me. We lived under the same roof, but we were like strangers.
She didn’t like eating at home because she didn’t want to face me, but I always asked the servant to make her favorite fried duck with Ginger. I just hoped that one day she might stay for dinner.
Not long after we got married.
Gu Xin said she was pregnant.
With Zhai Yi’s child.
It would be a lie to say that she didn’t care.
But I didn’t show my emotions. I tried to look normal.
I was actually very scared. If I acted a little strange, she would say, “Since you can’t accept it, let’s get a divorce.”.
From the moment we got married, I tried very hard to keep our marriage together.
Even though she didn’t love me now, I always thought that maybe in that moment, she would also find me good.
But I didn’t expect it.
Gu Xin was less than two months pregnant when the baby was miscarried.
That day, she was so scared that she cried.
She said that blood was dripping from her thigh. I couldn’t see it, so I had to pick her up and quickly send her to the hospital.
When she was sent to the hospital, the Doctor said that she could not keep the baby and performed an abortion on her.
After the operation, she kept crying.
She kept crying very sadly.
I just sat beside her and accompanied her. Even if she took the initiative to pull my clothes a little, I would hold her in my arms to comfort her. However, she did not. She just cried and cried until her heart was torn. Then, Zhai Yi came, she threw herself into Zhai Yi’s arms. Sometimes, I felt that I was actually a little redundant.
After Gu Xin had a miscarriage, she was very depressed for a period of time.
After having a small period of labor, she began to go out and go crazy more frequently. She would always come back drunk.
Once, she was so drunk that when she reached home, she suddenly fell to the ground and did not move at all.
I picked her up from the ground.
She leaned on Me and lay on me.
After I put her down, I was ready to leave.
She retched a few times. I knew she was going to throw up.
I fumbled to the bathroom to get a basin. She threw up.
After she threw up, she seemed to feel much better.
She lay back on the bed.
I thought she would be quiet, but I heard her say, “Zhai an, I hate you very much.”
I know.
“Why can’t you let me feel better? Why Can’t you let me be with Zhai Yi! I’m in a lot of pain right now. I don’t want to live with you. I don’t want to!”She shouted like she had gone mad, at that moment, she seemed to have vented all her grievances.
I sat by her bed and listened to her breakdown and grievances.
She vomited again and again.
I gave her water, but she threw it out.
She kept scolding me, kept saying that I was despicable, kept calling me a villain.
I really wanted to tell her my reasons, but I thought, if I told her, she would think I was even more despicable.
That night, accompanied by her scratching, biting, and cursing, I don’t know how long it was quiet.
After she calmed down, I was so sleepy that I lay on the bed and fell asleep.
While I was still unconscious, I heard screams beside my ears.
I was pushed under the bed by her.
There were broken glass shards under the bed. It was very painful to pierce my body.
“Gu Xin, I didn’t Touch You!”
“I know! But I can’t stand to open my eyes and see you lying on my bed. This position is Zhai Yi’s.”
At that time, I was a little overwhelmed.
So, I did not react for a long time.
I kept thinking, no matter how hard I tried, Gu Xin would not look at me sincerely.
Afterwards, our relationship became even more rigid. I barely spoke. I was afraid that if I opened my mouth, it would only result in Gu Xin’s disgust and rejection.
Just when I truly felt that Gu Xin and I shouldn’t continue our marriage, Gu Xin took the doctor’s report and asked me to go abroad for surgery.
Surgery had a risk factor, but it was lower than in China.
I rejected it.
On the one hand, I didn’t want to put myself at risk. I wasn’t the only one. I still had my mother.
On the other hand, I knew that I would see it soon.
Because now, I had the perception of light.
Gu Xin thought that my rejection was because I wanted to lock her up for the rest of her life. Before I could explain, she had already sentenced me to death.
I didn’t explain.
I thought that I had overestimated myself. I thought that I could have some influence on her life. I thought that I could change something.
I don’t have that ability.
Instead of her hating me so much and wanting to divorce me, instead of her being so miserable with me, it’s better to really let go.
I divorced her.
Because it doesn’t involve financial assets, the divorce is very smooth.
After the divorce, she moved out and found a new residence on her own.
I know that during this period of time, Zhai Yi should not touch her, because Zhai Yi does not dare to bet 20% of his shares.
So she should be a little upset.
That’s why she would get drunk again and again.
After getting drunk, she suddenly appeared in my room.
When I looked at her, I was very surprised. When she looked at me, she was also very surprised.
But I knew that when she sobered up, she should be very regretful that she walked into this place.
I sent her back.
I drove her, trying not to touch her, because she was tired of my touch.
I drove her to her new home, actually there were some words I wanted to say, but I couldn’t seem to say them in the end.
I only told her that I was going abroad.
She looked at me, not in any mood.
I think she must have been very drunk.
I said that if she and Zhai an married, I would like to come back for their wedding.
She still did not reply to me.
She just staggered toward the neighborhood.
I looked at her back.
In fact, I really wanted to tell her that Zhai Yi would propose to her soon.
Because I had already told my father not to force Zhai Yi and let him and Gu Xin be happy.
My father had always felt that he owed me a lot. Since I had said so, and since he originally wanted Zhai Yi to help him buy Gu Shi, he took advantage of the situation and agreed.
I think not long after I left, Zhai Yi and Gu Xin got married.
However, no one called me to go back to attend the wedding.
Gu Xin really hated me.
I was abroad and started my photography work again.
I opened a studio and started to participate in many photography exhibitions. I gradually became famous. Many media reports said that I was the most talented photographer in northern Xia country. Because of this, I was very busy, i was busy shooting the covers of many magazines, and I kept working.
I had lived abroad for many years.
My life had been very regular, and my mother would occasionally call me to go back, but I refused because I felt that I hadn’t adjusted my emotions properly, i felt that I still needed to enrich myself in foreign countries for a period of time.
I often work day and night with my assistant, she is also from northern Xia, because they are both northern Xia people, so I take care of her more, so I took her to his side, taught her a lot of shooting skills.
In fact, shooting skills is only one, more important is their own understanding.
Many art, are a state of mind, need to explore their own.
One time I and my assistant was taking a series of cover photos, because the model time is limited, so it was very urgent.
My phone rang, I did not look, directly to the assistant, I asked her to help me to answer, said I am very busy now, call later.
She quickly took my phone, and then put on the side of the workbench.
After I finished shooting, when the staff selection photos, conveniently picked up the phone.
Perhaps the assistant was too busy or something, she forgot to hang up.
When I saw the phone number.
I was actually a little surprised.
It had been so long, but the other party did not hang up.
I picked it up and placed it by my ear.
“Zhai An, I love you.”
Gu Xin’s familiar voice sounded by my ear.
It sounded so unfamiliar.
If she had not called my name, I would have thought that she had dialed the wrong number.
She was already married to Zhai Yi.
Of course, I knew that the tragedy had happened to her. I had heard from my mother that Gu Xin’s father had committed suicide by jumping off a building.
I was silent for a second because I didn’t know how to respond at that moment.
Then, I suddenly heard the sound of a cell phone clanging.
Then, there was no more sound.
Later, I received news that Gu Xin had committed suicide.
Time passed. After she said “I love you”to me.
In the end, I returned to Wen City. I went to attend Gu Xin’s funeral.
I saw Zhai Yi sitting beside Gu Xin’s coffin the entire time. He did not say a word. He seemed to have lost a lot of weight.
Such a tragedy was caused by him. He could not help but feel sorrow.
Gu Xin’s death had brought sorrow to many people.
Including Lu Man Man and myself.
Lu man cried until her eyes were swollen. We left Gu Xin’s funeral together. I sent her off.
She said, “Zhai an, I’m sorry.”
I wanted to smile to ease the pain between us. No matter how I smiled, there was no smile.
“Back then, I shouldn’t have encouraged Gu Xin to love Zhai Yi like this.”
“It has nothing to do with you. We all know that Gu Xin likes Zhai Yi.”
“Before she died, she sent me a message. She asked me to apologize to you.”
My hands tightened as I drove.
I did not tell Lu man that Gu Xin had said that she loved me when she died.
I did not want to bring sorrow to anyone because I knew that such sorrow would last for a lifetime.
I sent Lu Man back.
I stayed in Wen City.
Occasionally, I would go to the cemetery to see Gu Xin. I would see her smiling in black and white photos.
Sometimes, I would meet Zhai Yi.
I would meet Zhai Yi sitting in front of Gu Xin’s grave. He would sit there for a whole day, with cigarette butts everywhere.
He really loved Gu Xin. It was just that in the face of benefits, he chose benefits.
For years after Gu Xin died, we were immersed in the sadness of losing her and lived our own lives.
My mother may really not be able to watch me live like this. She asked me to go on a blind date and get married. She said that she did not want to see me living like a zombie. She said that if I wanted to take revenge on Zhai Yi, she could help me, she could take everything that Zhai Yi had now from my father. She could make Zhai Yi lose everything.
I Won’t take revenge on Zhai Yi like this.
I will let him guard this family business, guard the interests that he thinks are important, and carry the guilt towards Gu Xin for the rest of his life.
I will let him experience how he killed the woman that he loved the most while enjoying the highest value of his life.
I will not tell him that Gu Xin said she loved me at the end.
I let him live with guilt..
And I decided to let go.
My mother asked me to go on a blind date and get married.
I agreed.
I got married. My wife was a very ordinary woman. She didn’t have any great merits, but she liked me very much.
We had a child.
It was a boy who looked like me.
I took him to see Gu Xin on the day of her death.
He was still young, but the first time he saw the photo, he pointed and said, “Dad, do I know this Auntie?”
“How do you know her?”
“Because there are photos of this auntie in your phone and on your computer. I’ve seen them before. Mom has seen them too. Mom says, Dad, you love her!”
“Is that so?”I smiled as I looked at Gu Xin’s familiar face.
“Dad, is this auntie very important to you?”
“Probably.”
“Dad, is she more important than mom and I?”
At that moment, I suddenly felt a little speechless.
He wasn’t that sensitive, so I didn’t reply. He just tilted his head and said, “Dad, you like this auntie so much. Why didn’t you bring her home to live with us?”
“Because she passed away. She passed away, so she can’t live with us.”
“Is dad very sad?”
“Yes, very sad,”I said as I touched my son’s head.
“Dad, don’t be sad. You still have me and mom. Mom and I will love you very much.”
I smiled and nodded.
I carried my son and left Gu Xin’s grave.
When I left, I saw Zhai Yi.
I saw him holding a child and getting out of a high-class car.
He had taken over the Zhai family and realized all the benefits he wanted.
My mother and I had left the Zhai family a long time ago. At that time, my cousin had already taken over the Mo family.
We had not seen each other for a few years.
Zhai Yi took the initiative to say at that moment, “Are you free? Let’s have a chat.”
I nodded.
Then, I let my son and Zhai Yi’s daughter play by the side.
“Zhai An, do you hate me?”Zhai Yi suddenly asked.
I smiled.
No.
After so many years, what was there to hate.
I had always been indifferent to this world.
After all, too many things that I had and lost would not belong to me.
“Gu Xin should love you,”Zhai Yi said.
I pursed my lips.
“During the few years we were married, you might not know that she did not allow me to touch her.”Zhai Yi took a deep puff of his cigarette. “I did not touch her even once!”
I admit that I was a little surprised at that moment.
“When her father died, she did not make a scene at me. She just quietly accepted the blow. “Later, when she found out the truth, she committed suicide. From the beginning to the end, she did not complain to me. From the beginning to the end, she did not make a sound. “I think that all these years, I have been thinking that she would be so calm because I could not stand any waves to her. To her, I am not much of a person!”Zhai Yi looked at me, “But once, I saw her holding your divorce certificate and crying.”
At this moment, my suppressed emotions could not be controlled.
I raised my head and looked at the dark sky.
I thought that if I missed some feelings, I would miss them. If I didn’t miss them, I wouldn’t miss them.
“I adopted this child.”Zhai Yi suddenly changed the topic. He looked at the two children who were playing at the side. “She looks very similar to Gu Xin.”
I turned my head to look at the child.
There was a slight resemblance between his brows.
Especially when he smiled brightly.
“Take care, Zhai Yi.”I called my son and left.
I saw Zhai Yi holding his daughter’s hand as they walked towards Gu Xin’s grave.
After a while, another day passed.
Later.
I could not remember how long after Gu Xin passed away.
Anyway, I received a piece of news later on.
Zhai Yi was sick, had lung cancer, and died.
When he died, he had almost built a business empire and reached the pinnacle of his life. He had finally achieved what he had always wanted for so many years! However, before he could enjoy it, he left just like that.
I didn’t know if he would be regretful or relieved when he left.
I only took back the adopted daughter that Zhai Yi adopted.
I accompanied her as she grew up. I watched her smile increase day by day. I heard her call me one after another, “Daddy, Daddy…”
Just like in a dream.
I was exactly the same as Gu Xin’s child!