Transdimensional Marketing

Chapter 35 – Second Review Video (2)

After some bullet comments sporadically passed across the screen, light gradually appeared on the dark screen and revealed Chen Yu’s masked face.

“Greetings, my fellow friends and viewers. This is the second episode of Transdimensional Review. Firstly, I would like to thank everyone for all the support you’ve shown on the first episode. The product I bring everyone today is the Quantum Reading Glasses manufactured by the Great Light Company in the year 2144. It’s this thing on my table.”

After saying so, Chen Yu tapped the white box before him. He then returned his gaze to the camera as he explained, “This is an extremely amazing product. How amazing is it? In terms of practicality, it completely obliterates the Uranium-235 Nuclear Energy Laboratory I previously reviewed.”

[How much is it? I’m buying it!]

[UP, you’re in big trouble! Someone from Bilibili analyzed your last video! They verified that you didn’t include any special effects in your video and that you really made a nuclear bomb. We already reported you to the police. Just you wait.]

[Quantum mechanics is already outdated. Can you not go after this saturated topic, UP? How about you review a basketball that can let people sing, jump, and rap?]

[Stupid UP, online reviewing…]

The bullet comments erupted for a brief moment before disappearing once more. In the video, Chen Yu then stretched his arms and opened the white box, saying, “I won’t bore you with nonsense. Let’s start unboxing the product now. Let me clarify this first: in order to evaluate the functionality of this product, I’ve previously unboxed it already. So, I’ll only be doing a simplified version of the unboxing now.”

After saying so, Chen Yu took out the Quantum Reading Glasses from the box and offhandedly smacked the box to a corner. He then carefully placed the glasses on his reviewing table and said, “Alright, unboxing complete. Let’s proceed to the next topic—review introduction.”

[Isn’t that a little too simplified? You might as well edit out the unboxing phase at this rate.]

[UP’s unboxing became even faster! You’re even faster than a rabbit. ( ͡°͜ʖ͡°)]

[I’m friending you because of those words, brother!]

“I’m sure everyone can see it. This thick and solid pair of glasses is the product we will be reviewing today. It is the Quantum Reading Glasses manufactured by the Great Light Company in the year 2144. As only I can experience the effects of these glasses and experience is a very subjective thing, I’m prepared to use facts to prove the magic of these glasses.”

Picking up the quantum glasses, Chen Yu straightened his mask and put on the glasses. He then lifted his hands exaggeratedly and said, “Wow! Kekekeke! Awesome! Everyone, do you know what it feels like to wear these glasses? Right now, I feel as if the entire world is within my grasp! My myopia is gone, and I can see light! A green light has tinted my entire vision! I can see dust, I can see bacteria, and I can even see influenza viruses! This is a moment that solely belongs to me!”

[…]

[Easy to use.]

[It’s so embarrassing that even my scalp has gone numb.]

[UP, you’re doing this on purpose, right?]

[How embarrassing.]

[He really is a lunatic!]

[Goodbye…]

[(⊙_⊙)]

…

Inside the internet cafe, after watching his own video and reading the “reminders” provided by the bullet comets, Chen Yu reflexively covered his face in shame. At the same time, goosebumps also rose all over his body from embarrassment.

“Crap. This is going to be a black history.”

It would seem that he really didn’t possess a talent for speech and acting.

…

In the meantime, the Chen Yu in the video was continuing his “performance.”

In the next moment, he pulled out ten thick books from under his table and placed them on the table, saying, “At the time I received these Quantum Reading Glasses from the Great Light Company, I wondered just how I could properly demonstrate their functions. Fortunately, my smart brain quickly thought of a way.”

After saying so, Chen Yu held up a book called New Chinese Dictionary. He then took out three dice from his pocket and said, “I’m sure everyone can see the books I’ve prepared here. I will choose a book and a page with these dice here and use just one second to memorize the contents of the selected page. I will then recite the contents without looking or missing a word. Hmm…maybe not without missing a word. One or two mistakes should still be tolerable.

“Also, in order to prevent everyone from accusing me of cheating by editing the video, I’ve also prepared this thing.”

After placing the three dice on the table, Chen Yu magically revealed a watch to the camera, saying, “Everyone can clearly see the hour, minute, and second hands on this watch. If I make any edits to the video, I will definitely leave behind some traces. Hence, I feel this method will be sufficient to guarantee the experiment’s authenticity.

“Of course, if there are still people doubting me, wait till my fifth review begins. At that time, I will switch from uploading premade review videos to livestreaming them. Then, I will find some time to redo today’s experiment for those who wish to see it.

“Now, let’s begin the experiment.”

After saying so, Chen Yu held up the three dice and displayed them to the camera before giving them a casual toss.

Roll…

After the three dice rolled a few times on the table, they stopped and revealed their topmost surfaces to the camera.

“One, three, and four. Add them together, and we get seven. In that case, let’s pick the seventh book. One, two, three…seven! This one,” Chen Yu said as he pulled out the seventh book from the stack of books. “This is ****’s first volume. Let’s set it aside first… Huh? Why does my house have ****? Whatever, let’s not care about this first. Next, we’ll roll the dice again to decide which page to memorize.”

[Why do I get the feeling that something’s amiss?]

[I bid on large!]

[Friend, time to take your medicine.]

Roll…

After rolling on the table for a second, the three dice revealed three numbers to the camera.

“Two, two, five. Page 225. Next up is the moment to witness a miracle!”

[Moment to witness a miracle!]

[This is the last episode. Please cherish it.]

[Reported…]

Chen Yu reached up and tapped on the Quantum Reading Glasses’s power button. The lenses immediately lit up with a gentle green light that repeatedly flickered in and out of existence, giving the glasses a techie feeling.

“Currently, I see notification texts through the glasses telling me that the glasses have detected an information source, which is this **** in my hands. Also, if I wish to enter the quantum reading mode, I have to blink my left eye. If I choose otherwise, I have to blink my right eye.

“Alright, I blinked my left eye and have successfully entered reading mode. Now, it’s time to choose the reading mode’s standard. There are four standards to choose from: basic, intermediate, advanced, and limit. In order to read the contents of page 225 as quickly as possible, I’ll be choosing the limit standard directly!”

After saying so, Chen Yu moved his eyes up, up, down, down, left, right, left, and right.

[Is the UP having a stroke?]

[Maybe it’s epilepsy.]

[So, this is the rumored quantum reading? Sure enough, it’s different from the other flamboyant and cheap goods…]

[Truthfully, since you’re going down the path of insane and fantasy reviews, you might as well go all-out. For example, you can review an ICBM. That will definitely be interesting. Why are you trying to barge into a boring topic like quantum mechanics? Are you out of creativity already, UP?]

…

At the same time, over a thousand kilometers away, inside a wide room of an unlisted apartment unit in Beijing, a group of men and women was seated around an office table with heavy expressions on their faces.

Meanwhile, playing on the big screen hung on a nearby wall was none other than Chen Yu’s second review video.

“Leader, the detailed spectral analysis is complete.”

Suddenly, the door to the room opened. A bespectacled youth then walked into the room and handed a portfolio to the middle-aged man seated at the head of the office table.

“We’ll resume watching the video afterward.”

As soon as the middle-aged man said so, the video playing on the screen stopped. Immediately afterward, the middle-aged man opened the portfolio and started carefully reading the documents inside.

However, the more he read, the uglier his complexion became.

Five minutes later, the middle-aged man finished reading the portfolio. Clenching his fists, he said, “It is confirmed that the independent media Transdimensional Review’s video contains no special effects.”

“In other words…” one of the men seated beside the middle-aged man muttered in a husky voice.

“That’s right.” Nodding, the middle-aged man continued, “That so-called Uranium-235 Nuclear Energy Laboratory indeed contained high-density Uranium-235 as well as all sorts of other illegal materials.”

After saying so, the middle-aged man abruptly stood up and smacked the table. “Start setting things up! Crack the hidden IP address, analyze the video’s background, identify the person’s accent, and construct a criminal portrait of that person! I also want the account records of every person that leaves a comment, shares, or saves that video! Verify the criminal’s location and identity as soon as possible and capture him!”

“Yes, sir!”