Chapter 445 - The First Seeker
"You matured," Arthur said to Dia after Rae was taken for a tour around the city by Manager Ma. At first, his people were wary because of the mask, but they began to trust her when they saw her with their lord.
"Her attack was harmless," the princess replied. "I should have seen through her provocations and thought of her motives. Anyone who saw my killing of the Mernars would know that a simple dagger is too weak to do anything to me."
"That does not mean that you needed to apologize, but you did," he squinted his eyes. She turned to look at him and gave a grin. "You did it for me?"
"I don't want this to build a wall between us," she said as she moved her foot in circles. Arthur was silent, but he wanted to hug her. However, as if a dagger stabbed into his heart every time that he desired something, he couldn't bring himself to do it.
The princess was oblivious, and she seemed worried about the Mernars more than anything. Arthur also tried to shake away any distractions and focus on the current threat at hand.
"You should make use of the druids and the ogres living nearby," Diana advised as they were standing atop the wall created by Rega. "They are living within your city, now, so they aren't monsters or bandits."
"I don't want them to die, even if I can fend off danger," Arthur shook his head. "They are more useful as workers than fighters."
"What are you going to do, now?"
"I don't know anymore."
The princess looked at him with confusion because Arthur always had a next step in mind. However, this time, he did not. His plans didn't appear magically this time.
"Are you alright?"
"I just want to rest," he said before walking toward one of Rega's roots and touching it. "I will meet you back in the city."
Before she could say anything, Arthur was pulled into the Inner World. He appeared beside the hut, where Rega was resting too. The spirit woke up when he arrived, and she rubbed her green rubies with confusion.
"Master?"
"Hello, Rega," Arthur smiled as he patted her head. "I am sorry for showing up all of a sudden. I hope you don't mind."
"No, not at all. I missed you."
"I missed you too," he smiled and sat down on a chair, leaning back and taking a deep breath. "I just need to... rest."
"Me too," Rega said as she floated beside him. "Master, are you okay? You don't seem well."
"I just... don't want to be a lord anymore," he said while grabbing his head. "I need to do so much, and everyone expects everything from me, but sometimes, I just cannot. I visited the Spirits Realm, went to Aquamia, returned to Hidden City, went to rescue a child, and now I am facing its mother."
"I guess nothing changed," Rega said with sadness. "Now and before, you are cursed."
"And there is also that," he laughed. "It seems I don't even know who I am."
"You chose to forget, master," Rega said as she floated toward the window, and green lights gathered on it to form a moving picture. "Long ago, you were hurt, and hurt, and hurt, and you couldn't take it any longer. In the end, you were betrayed again, and it was then that you decided that you wanted to live a new life."
"A new life..." Arthur raised his head, staring at the spirit. "I thought you said you didn't know anything about the past or what happened," he frowned.
"I know what you told me, and I care about deeply," Rega said with sadness as the image cleared up. A man stood beside a tree, and he watched the tree grow. "I am doing what you asked of me. This is a new life that you chose, but it seems nothing has changed. You wanted a family, a new beginning, and new friends."
"I... did?" he muttered, standing up to look at the man in the photo. The tree grew large enough for the man to stand on it, and he took residence. However, the man was withering away, and chains began to appear around him, bounding him.
"The Spirits Sovereign should have told you about who you were before," Rega said as she tilted her head at him. "You are the one to bring spirits into this world."
"The First Seeker," Arthur said as he touched the window, specifically the chains. "These are the chains that I used before," he traced his fingers on them.
"They became a part of your power after they imprisoned you," the spirit said, and Arthur felt a deep heartache. The image of the Ruler of Seas, which seemed to know him and blaming him for what they did to him, was deeply imprinted in his mind.
Arthur needed to go back to the spirits realm.
It was time to know about his identity, even if it meant abandoning everything he knew about himself. There was no difference if he was someone else because he was always lost and always felt like he was playing someone's else role.
It was alright to be a different person, as long as he could be someone. It just so happened that the way to help Rae recover her memories also lay in the Spirits Realm, but he still had a lot of things to do before he went away.
"I need to make my city rich first," Arthur said as he pulled his hand away from the window. Rega was confused, but it simply encouraged him by raising its fist. "Thank you," he said before he left the Inner World and appeared in the forest, at the base of the roots.
"My Lord," Merlin was standing in front of the divine tree, and he flinched when Arthur appeared. Then, seeing him on his knees, Arthur realized this druid must have been worshiping the divine tree.
"Merlin," Arthur almost missed the druid because it had been so long since he saw him. "Were you praying for safety?"
"No, for forgiveness..." Merlin said as he bowed his head. "A strange man came yesterday and said he was the architect. He wanted to build things atop the divine tree, so I had to stop him. However, the Knight of Courage arrived and said that they were your orders."
"You are asking the divine tree for forgiveness?" Arthur was amused. "I don't think the divine tree minds if we build things around it. After all, it is quite lonely."
"The divine tree is lonely?" Merlin seemed to be unconvinced that the divine tree would feel such emotions. Arthur realized that it was hard for him to believe that his god would feel such inferior emotions.
"Why do you worship the tree?"
"Because it brought us back from the dead," the druid said with a worshiping expression. "We were destined to die, but we were saved by it."
"I see. If you truly want to return the favor, then you can do more than just praying," Arthur said as he walked away from the druid. "You can worship whoever you want, but sometimes those you worship have no use for your prayers."
Arthur didn't know who he was telling this to or why. All of his life, he never cared about religion, and this stemmed from his father. Some religions worshiped ancient gods and heroes and those who sang of the end, but his father always said that the only gods are the ones we love.
Now, Arthur was starting to understand it. As he returned to his house and saw Diana sitting on the rooftop, waiting for him, he somehow understood what his father meant.
'The only gods are those we love,' that was because we would do anything for them. Arthur was afraid that he would fall into that worshiping feeling one day, and he would idolize those he loved until it consumed him.
At that time, he knew that he would burn his flesh for them. Arthur always believed that he felt distant from others because he had no time to grow into those feelings, but now that seems to be a mistake.
After his talk with Rega, Arthur realized that a part of him would die with every passing day, and he would feel less.
"I made that choice once before," he muttered the words that the Spirits Sovereign told him. "I gave up my feeling for power. The First Seeker exchanged his ability to feel for the first contract, allowing humans to survive. Now," his voice cracked, "I am losing my ability to feel as well."
The more powerful he grows, the less he will feel. As this realization sat in his mind, Diana noticed him. She looked down from the moon and stared into his eyes. Her different-colored eyes reflected the moonlight as she smiled at him.
"Welcome back," the princess jumped from her spot and landed in front of him. Arthur nodded slowly at her as his right hand reached out to touch her cheek.
'I want to feel, while I can,' he pulled the princess into an embrace, and she returned it. The warmth of her body was the only thing he felt, and it brought tears to his eyes.. 'I am tired.'