Transdimensional Marketing

As soon as Chen Yu opened the box, a thick manual came into his view.

Taking away the manual revealed a metallic box that resembled a toolbox. Through the transparent glass cover, Chen Yu spotted a few fun-sized but of-unknown-purpose tools lying in it.

“What’s this?”

Puzzled, Chen Yu tore off the plastic wrapper around the manual and flipped opened the first page.

[Thank you for purchasing Yue Tu Company’s children’s educational toy series.]

“Child… children’s toy…?”

Chen Yu was in a daze. After a short pause, he pulled out his mobile phone to send a WeChat message.

[Chen Yu: “You’re telling me to review a child’s toy?”]

[Transdimensional Marketing: “Yes. It might be of the lowest class, but I only managed to get it for you after going through many troubles.”]

[Chen Yu: “Are you being serious?”]

[Transdimensional Marketing: “I am. Is there something wrong, Mr. Chen?”]

“I…”

Chen Yu had the urge to curse, but he decided not to in the end. He took the manual and focused on it.

Even if it was a toy, it was an item from the future, after all. There might be a big surprise, like a universe hidden in it….

Indeed, just three pages into the manual, “the universe” hidden in the “toy” gave Chen Yu a fright, sending chills running down his spine.

Gulp.

Chen Yu gulped. He picked up his mobile phone and entered the WeChat chatroom, shaking while typing down his message.

[Chen Yu: “Are you sure this is a toy?”]

[Transdimensional Marketing: “Yes, Mr. Chen.”]

[Chen Yu: “That’s designed for children?”]

[Transdimensional Marketing: “Yes. Is there any problem with it?”]

[Chen Yu: “So children in the future make nuclear bombs at home for fun, huh?”]

[Transdimensional Marketing: “…”]

[Chen Yu: “Uranium-235 Nuclear Energy Laboratory. What kind of name is this for a children’s toy!?”]

[Transdimensional Marketing: “Calm down, Mr. Chen. The purpose of this is to teach children about the elements and physics. This is made with the purpose of broadening children’s knowledge and developing their motor skills. It comes with equipment for protection and it won’t bring about any health impacts or explode randomly. You can be at ease.”]

[Chen Yu: “…”]

[Transdimensional Marketing: “Please believe my words! It’s really just a toy.”]

[Chen Yu: “Can I exchange it for something else?”]

[Transdimensional Marketing: “My dear, other than quality problems, you can’t return the purchase.”]

“Hah…”

Chen Yu sighed and threw his mobile phone to the side. He then picked up the manual, browsing through it. However, the more he read, the more his head hurt.

Just look at what was in here….

One Geiger-Muller counter used to detect radioactive emissions.

One electroscope used to detect the presence of electric charge.

Two spinthariscopes used for observing individual nuclear disintegrations.

Two Wilson cloud chambers that consisted of an indicator, used for visualizing the passage of ionizing radiation.

One set of large protective gear.

One alpha radioactive source made out of lead-210 and polonium-210.

One beta radioactive source made of ruthenium-106.

One gamma radioactive source made of zinc-65.

One coil of aluminium foil.

One coil of uranium-238.

One polonium-beryllium neutron initiator.

Eight uranium ore samples…

Heavens! This thing even came with a case that was about the size of a finger and a spherical detonator! How thoughtful of the manufacturer!

It would seem that the future civilization was way ahead when it came to population control. They were already teaching it since infancy…

The tough, brain-straining fight with the huge manual came to an end. Chen Yu sat down on the floor, sinking deep in thought.

He was so grateful to himself for making the choice to remain anonymous. It was the best decision he had ever made.

He highly suspected that he would drag Bilibili down to hell after doing a few reviews of such “frenzied” products….

“Whatever, let me get my script out and finish filming as soon as possible.”

Electronic devices would always leave behind traces. In order to eliminate all possibility of his identity being leaked, Chen Yu chose to pen his script down on a piece of paper so he could burn it after he was done with the filming.

Knowing his strengths and weaknesses well, Chen Yu kept his script short, simple, and straight to the point, since he had no idea how to host or sweet talk.

After half an hour, it was all done. The script consisted of four different sections.

Firstly, the unboxing of the product.

Secondly, introducing the product.

Thirdly, demonstration of product use.

Lastly, ending with a conclusion.

He re-read the script twice. After being certain that everything was alright—that there weren’t any wrong words and that it flowed nicely—it was time to arrange the setup.

Chen Yu first pushed his bed to the window, freeing up a huge space in the room. He then took two bed sheets to cover up the wall and the floor. Finally, he made a makeshift table with a big box.

A simple studio was done….

Bang! Bang! Bang!

Just then, there was banging on his door. “Brother! Are you trying to tear the house down? Why is it so noisy?” Chen Yike’s shout could be clearly heard.

“I’m working out! Don’t disturb me!”

“I’m coming in to take a look.”

“No! Go away! Do not disturb me.”

Bang! Bang! Bang!

“Brother! Are you trying to commit suicide!?” Chen Yike shouted, banging on the door again.

Cough…

Chen Yu nearly choked on his own saliva.

“Brother! Open up! Don’t scare me!”

“You should stop watching those stupid dramas. I’m not opening up. Get lost.”

“I’ll tear down the door if you’re not going to open up!”

Chen Yu pulled his hair in frustration. He walked to the door, threatening Chen Yike. “Do you still want money for the school trip?”

“Yes.”

“Then get lost!”

“Okay.”

Hearing Chen Yike’s footsteps getting further away, Chen Yu went back to his makeshift studio, but before he could sit down, he heard Chen Yike shouting at his door once again.

“Brother! There’s no compensation for committing suicide! Don’t be stupid!”

“Get lost!”

“Okay.”

After everything was done, Chen Yu changed into an old set of clothes and put on the Peking opera mask he bought. He started his camera and stared into it silently.

“…”

He had forgotten his lines.

Hurriedly, Chen Yu grabbed the script to take a glance at it. He took a deep breath and grabbed the Uranium-235 Nuclear Energy Laboratory, banging it onto the makeshift table.

“Hello everybody, welcome to Transdimensional Review’s first episode. Today, the product we will be looking into is a children’s puzzle toy by Yue Tu Company. It’s called the Uranium-235 Nuclear Energy Laboratory…

“…as everyone can see, there are a number of different fun-sized laboratory apparatuses here in the lab. I’ll do a short explanation for each of them. This is a spinthariscope, used for observing individual nuclear disintegrations…

“…we will now follow closely the instructions of the manual. Put the spherical detonator on before inserting the uranium into the projectile…. Let me repeat myself, this is an educational toy for children….”

Three hours later, filming finally ended.

The video that was about three hours long consisted mostly of mistakes. Thus, Chen Yu only had twenty minutes that would come in handy. After editing, the final product would be about fifteen minutes long.

However, none of that mattered to Chen Yu now….

He pulled out his legs from the fallen makeshift table and stood up with the help of the wall. Chen took a glance at the Nuclear Energy Laboratory that was now in tatters. He took off his mask and pulled out his mobile phone, an incredibly ugly expression on his face.

[Chen Yu: “Are you there?”]

[Transdimensional Marketing: “May I help you, Mr. Chen?”]

[Chen Yu: “Didn’t you say that it would not explode!?”]

[Transdimensional Marketing: “?”]