Chapter 1356: HE WOULD TRY
Chapter 1356: HE WOULD TRY
LUO YAN cried harder than he had in years. Tears soaked into Shen Ji Yun’s shirt, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop. Every time he thought he had himself under control, fresh tears blurred his vision. Then he felt Shen Ji Yun’s hand against his back, gently patting him in a slow, comforting rhythm.
That simple touch was enough to push his emotion to the edge.
The fear and uncertainty he’d been carrying ever since he decided to tell Shen Ji Yun the truth about himself finally caught up with him. So did everything he’d been forcing himself not to think about since he came to this body. Dying before he was ready. Losing the future he thought he still had. Leaving behind people he cared about without even getting the chance to say goodbye. It was all just... too much.
He pressed his face into Shen Ji Yun’s shoulder and let himself cry until there were no tears left to give.
The sound of Luo Yan’s cries cut through Shen Ji Yun like a blade. Each sob made his chest tighten, made him want to undo everything he had said just minutes ago. He felt guilty. Guilty that his reaction had pushed Luo Yan to this point. If he could go back in time, he would have told Luo Yan he believed him. But even as the thought crossed his mind, he knew he couldn’t have. Lying to each other just to make one feel better wasn’t how their relationship worked. And Luo Yan would have seen through it anyway.
But now, Shen Ji Yun didn’t know what to do. He could feel Luo Yan shaking against him, and hear the rawness in his voice. He was in pain, that much was obvious. And Shen Ji Yun had no idea how to make it stop.
So he did the only thing he could. He held Luo Yan close, letting his warmth say what he couldn’t put into words. He wanted him to know that he was here. That whatever was hurting him, he would help him through it if Luo Yan let him. And that no matter how this conversation went, he wasn’t going anywhere. He would always be here.
"Yan Yan," he murmured against his hair, his arms tightening around him. "I’ve got you. I’m not going anywhere. I promise."
When he heard those words, the heavy ache in his chest somehow eased. It was still there, but having Shen Ji Yun’s assurance that he wouldn’t leave made it a little easier to breathe. The tightness that had been gripping him loosened, just enough to let him feel something other than pain.
But he knew that wasn’t enough. He couldn’t let this night end without making Shen Ji Yun understand that what he had told him was real. Not some made-up story or a dream his mind had conjured. But he just didn’t know how to do it. For the first time, he had no idea what to do next.
He took a few deep breaths, trying to steady his breathing, which had gone ragged from crying. It took a moment, but he managed. He wiped his cheeks with the back of his hand and was surprised at how wet they were. It felt like he had splashed water on his face. Just how much had he cried? Apparently, more than he realized.
Luo Yan pulled back slightly and looked up at Shen Ji Yun. "I know what I told you isn’t something anyone can just accept right away. Maybe you’d try to, or even force yourself to, because you love me. But that’s not what I want, Ji Yun. I want you to really believe what I said is true. If you truly can’t, then I just hope you’ll give yourself a chance to."
Shen Ji Yun didn’t know what to say. He wanted to say yes right away, but the word got caught in his throat. Because Luo Yan was right. He would agree to almost anything because he loved him. But that wasn’t what Luo Yan needed. That wasn’t what he wanted. So what was he supposed to do? The only thing he could think of was to give him his support. And if that meant he had to work through his own doubts to get there, then he would.
"I will," he said, meeting Luo Yan’s eyes. "I promise."
Luo Yan held Shen Ji Yun’s gaze. He could see the resolve in those pretty blue eyes. He knew Shen Ji Yun would do exactly what he had promised. A small smile tugged at his lips. He knew the other would try his damnedest to make it work. But if he really wanted to help Shen Ji Yun believe him, he needed to do his part too. He couldn’t just leave it all on Shen Ji Yun.
"If it helps, you can look up the name Luo Yan among the graduates of T University from nine years ago. There might be a few others with the same name, but I think—no, I believe—that if it’s you, you’ll be able to tell which one is me."
If Shen Ji Yun saw a picture of the person he used to be, the one before all of this, that would probably be the quickest way for him to believe. He should have thought of that sooner.
Shen Ji Yun tried not to let any doubt show on his face. It helped that his expression didn’t give much away to begin with. He had promised he would try, so that was what he was going to do. He reached for his phone on the counter and unlocked it.
He opened his browser and typed in "T University alumni directory" followed by the year Luo Yan had mentioned. A page came up with a search function for graduates. He typed in "Luo Yan" and hit enter. A list of names appeared. There were a few entries with that name, but one caught his attention immediately. The photo was small, but even from the thumbnail, he could see it clearly. Black hair styled neatly away from the forehead. Sharp, cat-like eyes. A face that was striking in a way that was hard to look away from.
He clicked on the profile without thinking.