The Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

“What? No undead creatures?”

I slyly mentioned the terms of our exchange whilst I flipped through the new trendy accessories in the fashion magazine. Without hesitation, the dragon lich agreed to my terms. However, after having asked the question, it actually turned out that he didn’t have any powerful undead servants whatsoever..

“Hey hey hey! You’re a dragon lich right? One of the strongest undead species. Are you telling me that your dragon’s den doesn’t have powerful undead creatures?”

There was one side effect to the lich transformation. No matter how you lived in the past, all the magic that ran in your flesh became death magic, and any original magic you trained in would be weakened due to clashing with the death magic. However, being able to control weaker undead was instinctive, and training in undead magic would progress at an incredible speed.

Those who suddenly grasped the innate undead magical abilities found that there was no way to forget how to use undead magic afterwards. After having accumulated so many years, it was impossible to not understand undead magic. Because of this, the majority of undead liches’ laboratories had large amounts of undead creations. The undead creations were thugs, servants, and some possibly even became family.

Dragon liches were even more ridiculous. They were man-made undead giant dragons, and they ranked among the highest in difficulty to transform among the various undead ceremonies. Completing the transformation alone required immense knowledge in the undead, and yet this dragon lich actually told me he barely had any undead beings.

“Those dirty things are ugly and smelly. How could I let them stay in my hall?”

Okay, so I forgot about just how incredibly strange this dragon lich was before me. Someone who would choose this physical body for beautiful art could indeed potentially kick “dirty undead beings” out the door.

“Do you have harpie types?”

“Bind the beautiful soul of an elf? How could I ever do such an evil thing!”

Winlair’s face which resembled Harloys’ so much stared at me in amazement like I said something terrifying and evil. I, on the other hand, tried hard to suppress the urge to hit the wall.

Evil? You’re a freaking dragon lich! No matter in legends or in reality, they were the most classical final boss!

Alright. I, more of less, understood this guy’s outlandish way of thinking. The ugly undead beings were immediately out of consideration and beautiful undead beings needed beautiful resources, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do anything to such beautiful living creatures.

“You truly opened my eyes…”

I turned my head, wanting to leave, but that guy pulled onto my sleeve and stared pitifully at the… fashion magazine in my hand.

I shook my head helplessly.

“…Just make do. If we brought a group of bones on the road with us that could fall apart at any time, then I’d feel bad for calling myself a legend-ranked undead mage. After so many years, you must have a few, right? Okay, so if you really don’t even have a few, then let’s trade some in for your valuable artwork. These clothes are all really expensive, and with my connections, we could get seasonal limited editions. I can’t give it to you for free.”

“It’s a no for the artwork. Beauty is priceless… Thinking about it, I remember that I should still have some creations worth a look.”

Winlair thought about it for a moment. All of a sudden, he revealed a bright smile as though he had remembered something.

“Mhm. Let’s swap. Oh I just remembered. I actually do have some beautiful undead creations that you’ll definitely like!”

Seeing such a bright smile on his beautiful face suddenly made me feel like something was not quite right. It was like, I had done something wrong again……

————-

The next day, just at the break of dawn, Rhino Bar closed its doors for business. Outside, there was a crowd of people and it looked like they were getting ready to set off.

But I was still in my room, not wanting to get out of bed. I stayed up very late last night, cleaning up those undead creations. The other weakness to this fragile body was that I needed a sufficient amount of sleep every day.

“Let’s go. Sleep on the horse carriage. I never imagined that he has a phantom horse carriage with a special design too. Looks like, this time, we didn’t lose out.”

The silly cat climbed on my head like she was doing it for my own good. However, I could feel her evil naked intent.

A phantom horse carriage, six gargoyles, a high-level zombie, and two web demons were all the items of this trade. They were all upgraded and strengthened undead beings, so by looking at the trade value, I didn’t lose out this time around. I even earned a little, but……

“Just let me sleep. At least… at least…. at least we can wait for them to leave!”

“Impossible. Everyone’s waiting for you.”

With that thought, it’s true. Barton and Katerina were my friends. I established basic trust and cooperation with the Northern Trio. If I didn’t hire those scattered local mercenaries, then the Old Barton did. Even with the dragon lich, that was a cooperation which I gained privately. In some sense, even though I wasn’t the main man in this group of adventurers this time around. I was the heart which linked every group member.

“Ah, forget it. Besides, the one disgraced was Karo the undead mage and not Roland…”

I climbed out of bed fully pissed off. It was time to face the music.

“Don’t talk like you’ve got the short end of the stick. What a beautiful horse carriage. If it were back in the day, I would have really liked it.”

“As you said, back in the day. This horse carriage…”

Having just stepped out of the bar, a white horse carriage parked outside the doors caught everyone’s attention.

The entire carriage was carved from white jade and the back of the carriage was even decorated with intricate feathered wings. The carriage was designed in the traditional elven ivy carts and was pulled by two snow white unicorns. Strands of grass and wildflowers even grew from where the unicorns stepped on. The abundant power of nature made people feel that it was practically the vehicle of the Child of Nature.

Seeing that the new owner had arrived, the two unicorns cried in joy, as though they couldn’t wait to set off. They had already rested for a long time in the stables, and now with a chance to stretch their legs, they kicked their hooves. The bells upon the unicorn horns rang repeatedly as they swung around.

“…Are you telling me that this is the phantom horse carriage created by the undead mage? With phantom horses that have fatal exhales of despair? And that black lightning-like phantom body? Was the bone horse carriage originally decorated with bones? And where did that headless coachman go? After moving, shadows should have been left behind and not grass, right? How did the undead arts and the beauty of the bones of the phantom horse carriage in my memories turn out like this!?”

“Please forgive my bluntness, but I don’t think that’s some kind of dark beauty. The bone and shattered body only just makes it clearly look unpresentable. From what I remember, the early undead mages were all dishevelled-looking slaves. Ah, apologies. I didn’t mean to suspect you were a bum.”

As the person who redecorated the horse carriage, Winlair was naturally satisfied with this elf’s kind of style. “She” was repeatedly observing the ivy carvings that she left behind and seemed to have engraved then into her memories. Her tone of voice sounded like she regretted selling it to me.

And even his phrasing was said in the typical elven style; despicable, and in a voice which sounded unsatisfied like one had to redecorate twice over. What did he mean by “I didn’t mean to suspect you were a bum”? That line actually meant “Undead mages are all bums. You’re an undead mage, so there’s no need to suspect otherwise. You’re definitely a bum!”

“Apologize! Apologize to all undead mages!”

Just as I stepped out the door, I realized that other people were looking at me with an odd expression. The annoyed and fearful looks which undead mages often saw had vanished quite a bit in today’s age. Rather, they looked astonished and were strongly resisting laughter like they’d seen an alien.

“Damn it…”

It felt like I’d just humiliated myself a little, as I regretted this trade even more so.

“Damn it! Only this dragon lich could possibly come up with such ridiculous appearing undead. I just had to carry the blame.”

Since I was an “undead mage”, those weird undead beings naturally became my creations in the eyes of others. Also, this odd phantom horse carriage was still the easiest to accept above them all…

This time around, the gargoyles to the side were also part of the elite combat strength amongst the undead I obtained in the trade. There were six of them in total.

This constructed kind of half elemental, half undead creature always used stone to disguise themselves. In battle, they would launch surprise attacks. As most of their bodies were rock-hard, the power of their strikes and defensive abilities weren’t bad, and their soaring ability, their sharp claws, and their heavy material gave them the beautiful name of the undead soaring sharp soldiers.

As the constructed half undead creatures, gargoyles could collect materials, design, enchant, create human crafts and even more that other undead creatures weren’t capable of. However, even the weakest gargoyle was a mid-level undead creature. After all, only ranked-silver undead mages could bestow these gargoyles with life, and add some of their own personal style upon them at will was practically a must.

Their basic blueprints were very simple. That also meant that they were easy to mold and modify, and their strength and attack methods differed completely. The weakest was a soaring gargoyle who would be exhausted simply by flying. But if an undead mage was willing to spend enough money, it was also quite possible to create a gargoyle which was capable of defeating a dragon by itself. For example, with a titan’s heart as the energy source, enchanted gold outer armor, and two latest models of magical engines buried in the skull… Alright. I listed the latest, best selling Northern Army’s weapons mecha battle collection. Actually, I saw right through the amended gargoyle’s blueprints.

And the several gargoyles that I got a hold of were most probably made at the dragon lich’s big expense. He used mithril anti-corrosion coating and enchanted sapphire eyes, which were materials that were definitely not cheap. In gold pieces, I certainly hit it big, but……

“…Why not give them clothes? Alright, alright. I’m stupid. They’re stone, so of course they didn’t need to wear clothes. Haha. Fashion really is awesome. The stupid otaku sold his own women (figurines).”

*Sigh* I’m afraid that someone has already guessed the dragon lich gargoyles’ appearances. Uh-huh. There were two kinds; naked elven men and naked elven women, and they were complete replicas of the real deal!

Looking at that uniquely true to life expression and physique, they looked exactly like living elves. The female elves carried a bow and arrows on her back; she was a long range type. The male elf didn’t even have underpants, but he had two machetes.

“I’ll quit complaining about the missing basic qualities like sharp claws and steel teeth. What’s the point in giving all your enchantments to a gargoyle so that their joints can move?! Did you make an action figure or a weapon? With such a relaxed attitude, why don’t you equip several magical attack weapons on them?”

My biggest doubt right now wasn’t how Winlair had such creativity, but how he “gathered resources” back in the day or, one should say, how he stripped those elves and didn’t become the elves’ public enemy!

It goes without saying just how beautiful elves were; the men were handsome, and the women were charming. What’s more, the dragon lich didn’t choose ordinary models. They were valiant and formidable yet elegantly beautiful. On top of that, Winlair had all of wood elves, moon elves, silver elves, and dark elves amongst his gargoyles. The young, curvacious, and skinny elves were practically the elven imperial harem, of which he kept them at home due to their beauty, but……

“I really didn’t do it… F*ck! What’s the meaning of these looks you’re giving me? I never lie!”

And now, five naked female elves (long distance attack type) and a naked male elf (close combat type) were flying around me. His problem became my problem, and everyone looked at me with eyes full of condescension. If it was practically like saying “As expected, he’s a pervert” and “Why in the hell did he create those things for?”

Why the hell was it five naked girls and a naked guy? Actually, the dragon lich’s trove had quite a few close combat types. I also needed some cannon fodder close combat types, but thinking about it again, I would rather be suspected as a pervert than a gay guy without hesitation……

And at this time, that naked man gargoyle was behind me. As close combat gargoyles were only used for fighting, his core nature required him to undertake the responsibility of guarding me. However, I felt that he was too close to me right now, especially with how a certain area of his was almost touching me……

“So he was bisexual… I mean, why else did Karo never make a move on Katerina…”

“So big. I never imagined Karo liked this type.”

I heard these kind of words and instantly covered my face. Aggrieved tears wanted to practically fall from both my pupils. As expected, I should never have considered taking a close combat gargoyle at all. My legendary name was completely ruined. In that moment, I’d rather become a super pervert in everyone’s eyes.

“Onward!”

Those words were heard a few more times, as we rushed onto the horse carriage. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to help but flip out and the only thing that would give me relief was the even more strange creation in the horse carriage. The situation hadn’t reached it’s very worst just yet.

“The first stop, out of the city… No! Anton’s tailor shop! Yes, you heard that right. First, I’m going to get those indecent gargoyles some clothes!”

A sudden sense of sadness rose from my heart. I was afraid that I would become the first undead mage in the history books to give gargoyles clothing.