The Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

Very few people knew how the tiny fairies became the most powerful information specialists in the world. While it was true that their sizes varied among themselves, even the largest fairy would reach only up to a human’s knee. The smaller fairies would only be capable of dancing on a human’s hand. If they had to fight in battle, their tiny size would leave them at an immense disadvantage.

Size didn’t always represent strength. However, the fairy species had been around for many years but had never once produced a famous hero or warrior. They didn’t have any outstanding natural racial talents apart from their outstanding fleeing abilities. Naturally, the fairy species also never had any major combat achievements throughout history. Despite this, fairies managed to lead good lives in the mortal plane that was rife with competition between species. In fact, fairies maintained their own merchant associations, contact points and intelligence divisions even in human kingdoms that greatly discriminated against them. This was incredible.

There were indeed people who tried to uncover the fairies’ secrets. However, such people would vanish without a trace. And when they reappeared, they would blather on about “Fairytale kingdoms,” “So many cute little fairies,” “This strawberry cake is so delicious, but I’m so stuffed. How about giving it to the little bunnies?” and other such crazed words.

Perhaps it was due to this that ordinary people felt that fairies’ countries would be really cute and just like the fairy tales. However, reality and what people thought were two very different things.

“God damn it! The entire world is at war. It’s making business so difficult. I guess I’ll be having a hard winter this year.”

A one-eyed Dark Fairy was currently smoking a cigar. He even held a small goblin rifle in one hand as he spoke, puffing out clouds of smoke.

He was heavily overweight. Looking at him from afar, he resembled a round ball. However, he also had clear rainbow-colored wings on his back that continuously trembled and sprinkled glowing powder, making him seem like a nice and kind fairy from a fairy tale.

“…But actually I’ve recently made more profits. Compared to last year’s winter, our Black Forest series of magazines have increased sales by thirty-five percent. Our best-selling magazine, the Famous Knights series, has increased sales by a whopping ninety-one percent. It’s mostly our hero figurines, paintings, toys and other such accessories that have decreased in sales.”

This Dark Fairy wore a neatly pressed suit and had golden-rimmed spectacles on his face, the type that typically represented wisdom. However, this appeared quite strange on him as this Dark Fairy had a crooked nose, eyes like a dead fish and ugly and disgusting warts dotting his face.

It appeared more—no—it definitely appeared like this Dark Fairy resembled an evil witch in the fairy tales. After all, he had a nose ring and a crooked wooden staff in his other hand.

“…A New Year’s Party hosted by the Kasolan Dukedom? Are you an idiot? Why would you report about such a minor event in such a minor country? I’m going to dock your wages… What? Major news that the Kasolan Dukedom will be leaving San Antonio and joining the Mist Alliance will be announced at this party? F*ck! This is big! Gather as much information as you can. I’ll immediately send you additional backup and resources.”

“Those great demons are beginning to construct their own cities? They didn’t eat those pitiful human villagers and are raising them instead? Are you kidding me!?”

As the Dark Fairy talked with another fairy about the magazine’s contents, countless fairies were busily working behind them. Some were shouting into black rune crystals used for sending magic messages, while others were shouting into pipes connected to strings. Even more were furiously at work writing articles. This chaotic scene resembled a busy editing department right before a deadline.

They weren’t in a green-forested, blue-skied fairy tale land at all, however. They were in a city filled with the trappings of culture. Hordes of people busily walked in the streets, while nearby factories were loudly at work. There were printing factories, toy factories, handicrafts factories and so on—clearly a large variety. The main difference from other cities was that all the people walking down the streets were actually tiny fairies.

The sky was quite overcast with no sunlight to be seen, but the streetlights forever provided lighting. The fairies didn’t construct a miniature city just because of their tiny sizes. This was mostly because there were other species working here. Muscular giant pixies, which were two meters tall but had slack-jawed expressions that indicated their lack of intelligence, were the tiny fairies’ distant relatives as well as their protectors.

This mystical city wasn’t located in the mortal plane—it was in the little-known Grayshadow Plane. The fairies didn’t fear death as they gathered information throughout all of Eich because they weren’t actually capable of dying in the mortal plane. Their bodies in the other planes were, in fact, a special type of shadow negative energy projection. If any fairy met with danger, all they needed to do was cancel their projection.

However, this didn’t mean that they were undying. They had special bodies capable of living in such a negative energy plane as they themselves were a combination of energy and life. Fairies were actually an abnormal species made of half energy and half life power. They were like other lifeforms’ shadows, and they needed to have other species recognize and know about them to provide them with an energy similar to the power of belief, which would allow them to remain “alive.” Otherwise, they’d become nothing more than decayed corpses.

They also needed to constantly replenish this type of special energy. Eating food wouldn’t provide them this energy—they were capable of eating actual food but could only taste it. If a fairy said he was starving, this meant he was about to die.

That was why, from ancient times to present, other species had gotten accustomed to these little fairies that were seemingly everywhere, always making the news. In fact, other species even believed them to be members of the mortal plane. The fairies also gradually mastered the artform of “keeping a constant presence” in front of the other species in the mortal plane.

The fairies were by far the most skilled at establishing information networks and merchant associations even in the most dangerous of locations. The fact that the news and advertising industries were so well developed in Eich was also thanks to the fairies. However, even every other news industry added together wouldn’t compare to the fairies’ news. No ordinary species could compare to how the fairies could instantly gather information across dimensions.

Of course, in order to constantly remind other species of their presence, they would modify and publish or even create their own legends and stories. And they intentionally gave all the branch offshoots of the fairy species opportunities to appear in such stories, such as the tiny pixies, prankster fairies, shadow monsters and so on. [1] ¹ And when fairies discovered that children were the best providers of the “recognition energy” that the they required to exist, they established special teams to scare children. There were even great fairies in charge of giving well-behaved children presents at the end of the year just like in a certain legend, the reason why fairies had many toy factories working all year round.

This pudgy Dark Fairy named Blake was the third biggest boss in this city. He owned four toy factories, two printing factories and more than ten magazines, newspapers and editing departments. The “recognition energy” he obtained was more than enough for him to take care of several thousand fairies under him. And as someone who liked to look cool on the surface, he had more than ten wives, among them which included tiny fairies, giant pixies, and even humans and elves from the mortal plane.

Why was it said he liked to look cool on the surface? A half energy lifeform like a fairy would have a different way of reproducing compared to normal lifeforms. Fairies would undergo splitting after their energy was filled, and their newly split off child fairy would be completely unrelated to the original fairy. Blake’s so-called wives were only capable of providing a tiny amount of recognition energy for him.

And right now this powerful fairy was frustrated. He swore on his beard—the beard he hadn’t shaved in three thousand years—that his business was having the greatest trouble it ever met.

“What? It’s fine if our ‘food producing’ information and news industries don’t have any problems, but as my vice general manager, you’re too shortsighted. I’m beginning to consider if I should have you fired and replaced.”

“I’m sorry—I’m so sorry, Boss! Please tell me what I should do.”

Although he knew that his fellow fairies couldn’t provide him with food energy, Blake loved to see his subordinates view him with such fear and reference. Blake took a big puff on his cigar and blew several smoke rings before speaking up in a vicious tone.

“Hmph! If it wasn’t that an idiot like you has been working under me for one hundred years, I would have already done so. You see, the daily necessities business is booming in the mortal plane and leisure goods’ sales are greatly decreasing. Plus, there are so many species and powerful individuals suddenly popping up after disappearing for a long time. This means a seasonal calamity is about to arrive—a great famine!”

“A great famine?”

Blake’s prankster fairy subordinate Albert was rather confused at hearing this. The mortal plane was going to have a famine? Or could it be that…?

“We fairies will meet with a famine?”

“Yeah. As long as those foolish veterans start their so-called Holy War, the mortal plane’s overall population will decrease by a lot. This will also decrease the amount of food energy our species can obtain. Based on records from the past, our population will also decrease at the same proportion as the mortal plane.”

From a certain standpoint, the fairies’ population was directly proportional to the mortal plane’s population. X amount of humans would be required to sustain each fairy’s required recognition energy. If the mortal plane’s population decreased, the fairies would naturally decrease by the same proportion.

“Equal proportion?”

“In the previous great famine, only three point seven percent of our entire fairy species survived. And late in the previous great famine, we even started raising a large number of humans to supply us with food energy. This meant that probably less than three percent of all humans managed to survive the previous major Holy War.”

As one of the incredibly few old fairies who had survived the previous great famine, Blake had long since lost track of how many fairy children had split off from his body. However, just his memories of how bones covered the ground everywhere made him instinctively afraid.

It was only natural for a war which could change which species ruled the world to be catastrophic.

“SO YOU’RE SAYING THAT ONLY THREE PERCENT OF US WILL SURVIVE THIS TIME AS WELL!!”

*Boom!*

Albert reacted with a terrified shout, causing the other fairies to look in his direction. As a result, old Blake directly fired his gnome rifle at Albert without saying even a word.

Albert inhaled a cold breath as he felt the bullet scratch his cheek. He immediately calmed down and kneeled on the ground in surrender.

Only now did he recall that his boss’s greatest pet peeve was meaninglessly shouting out loud. The previous giant pixie servant who had shouted like that had his true body directly sent to the mortal plane. It was unknown what exactly had happened to him, but he had definitely died.

Blake spat on the ground when he saw that he missed. However, he didn’t fire his gun again. He was rather superstitious and believed that since his subordinate was lucky enough to avoid the bullet, there was no longer any need to shoot him. This would be wasting the other person’s excellent luck.

“‘Lucky brat, I hope you’re a three this time.’ Now you know the origins of this saying among our species which means wishing luck upon others. Don’t have such a bitter expression. This time, all of us old ones won’t be stupid enough to just sit back and watch. At the very least, we’ll try our best to think of ideas to have more humans survive. Tell every single department manager to come here. We need to think of something. The main priority is to tell the humans just how serious things are. Armageddon is right before them.”

“But… what are we supposed to do…? Even if we tell humans about it, they won’t believe us, right…?”

“I think I really do need a new vice general manager. You’re such an idiot!”

Old Blake pointedly stared at the fairy reporters and editors who were now busying themselves with work again. Only then did Albert have a sudden realization.

“You’re saying we should publish a special edition? So that we can tell the humans that they’re in big trouble?”

“Yep. This will be our information analysis. After so many years, we have a great mastery over the humans’ news and information industry. Just letting this mastery sit back and do nothing would be a waste. Tell all my employee fairies that I’ll pay them three times their normal salary for overtime tonight. We must absolutely have a report finished about the humans’ troubles by tomorrow morning. We’re going to rush a special edition!”

Note:

[1] TL/N: English really lacks monster vocabulary… Have I mentioned before that there’s like eight synonyms in Chinese just for the word “monster?