The Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

In a small, hidden yard, a “battle” between a man and a woman was nearing its end. The woman now lay on the ground, moaning helplessly.

“Have you had enough? We’ve been doing this all night, and I can’t take it anymore. You just take some pills if you’re tired, but I haven’t had a single moment of rest. I’ve never seen anyone as shameless as you.”

Only a large silk scarf covered her petite body, but right now it was drenched in body fluid. Her childlike face was flush from exerting all her energy. Should I be proud of myself for making the infamous Snake Archduchess have such a cute and helpless expression?

The human body had a limitless number of secrets. High-level undead would imitate human physical phenomena not only to enjoy themselves but also to further develop their bodies’ potential. The Snake Archduchess had, at a minimum, already restored numerous senses and the ability to produce certain fluid.

“Haha! Since you can’t take it anymore, just lay there and enjoy the experience. Yep, open up your legs and lay there—damn it! Who chucked that brick at me?”

Seeing the Snake Archduchess beg for mercy and hearing her pant and moan had made me laugh out loud in great satisfaction, but my euphoria was ruined because someone had just thrown a brick at me.

“Stop speaking in such a ridiculous manner! There are minors here! Is it really that fun to talk as if something censored is going on? Why the hell are you narrating with the phrase “drenched with body fluid?” Can’t you just say sweat instead of fluid to prevent misunderstandings!?”

As I swept my gaze around, I noticed Glina, Timlad and the other minors looking at me with great interest. Damn, what was with those high magnification binoculars and memory crystals? Did they intend to make copies of this scene and sell them for money…? If it sold well, they needed to remember to give me a cut of the profits!

“…I couldn’t help but get in the mood with how fun her words were. Alexandra, get up for our hundred and twenty-first round of training. Let’s continue. This time, it needs to last for more than thirty seconds!”

That’s right, this was nothing more than simple martial training. I didn’t have the habit of torturing my prisoners. As for anything else, of course I wouldn’t do anything when all my subordinates were watching me… Cough—I just wanted a pretty female maid who looked great in maid attire. Was that such a wrong desire for a man to have?

Cough—cough—getting back on topic, nothing that needed to be censored was going on in my new private estate’s yard. There was no BDSM or anything like that going on here. I did indeed want to try something out and had great fun creating some of the most famous Chinese torture instruments out of ice, but the Snake Archduchess unhesitatingly told me everything before I got a chance to use them.

“You surrendered so easily? Where’s your honor and loyalty? What about the trials and tribulations of the ascetic cultivation your physical body went through? Your monk’s unyielding heart? How could you surrender just like this! I won’t even have a sense of accomplishment!”

“Honor? How can someone dead have any honor? Loyalty? The master I swore loyalty to is dead.”

Alright then. She was so self-confident about surrendering and so logical that I couldn’t even find anything to say.

Actually, with my previous Senator subordinates as examples, Undead Lords’ concept of loyalty and honor was, to begin with, unreliable. Since they had already died once, they took everything vague—such as reputation—lightly and were only stubborn about few things. Yep, directly speaking, they were basically a group of bastards with no shame and no beliefs.

In the Undead Planes, the conflicts between Undead Lords would always end in the victor obtaining everything the loser possessed. The strong ruling over the weak and the law of the jungle was deep within their blood. Surrendering was commonplace, especially when the other party was an Undead Emperor.

“I already tried my best against you. That pays off what I owe Lord Aso for canceling my soul contract before he died.”

Of course, I didn’t believe in this information that I obtained too easily. The undead had their methods of communication. While I could obtain information directly through drawing out her soul, that would be too much of a waste. Using a master/subordinate contract relationship was the most common and effective.

No Undead Lord who was even slightly prideful would be willing to sign a soul contract where the servant would die if the master died. Yet Aso had obtained the loyalty of these prideful Undead Lords. No matter what I threatened Alexandra with, she was still unwilling to sign a soul contract.

I tried reducing my requirement and making this Myth-ranked Undead Lord sign a servant contract with me where she would be forced to obey my orders. Even that was a rather difficult task. All the Chinese torture methods I showed her were ineffective. However, when I brought out my Cold Flames of Despair and threatened her with eternal frozenness, she obediently complied.

Although she surrendered and readily sold out her remaining companions, we still didn’t obtain much.

The Snake Archduchess had arrived in the mortal plane for less than a year. She was simply an elite Undead Lord under Aso who could act independently. It sounded nice as she had great authority, but the downside was that she was also just a commander with few subordinates who had suddenly been transferred to a foreign location.

All the original undead contact points would definitely no longer be used now that she was captured. Plus, Aso’s elites had mostly been eliminated, and Alexandra didn’t know much to begin with, either. The most useful information she had was regarding the other Undead Emperors and Undead Lords’ personalities and abilities, but none of this would be useful for the time being.

“I won’t take care of anyone useless here. In order to work for your worth, you must pay me with your physical body… Why are you all looking at me like that? Did I say something wrong? It’s so hard for me to find an opponent like this. She’s perfect for practicing martial arts. Come, let’s go for another round.”

For some reason, I seemed to be having a problem lately with strange wording which would easily be misconstrued.

But it was true that the Snake Archduchess’s greatest value to me was as a training partner for cultivating martial arts.

“If it weren’t for my new dragon armor, I would have already died several hundred times.”

I always loved to analyze things after a battle because any problems exposed by actual combat would typically be fatal down the road. In games, it would be easy enough to proceed thanks to the ability to save and load. If someone died in a game, their experience from dying would help them the next time they faced the same battle. And they’d even be able to keep their equipment and previous experience. Unfortunately, there weren’t many such chances in the real world. Nor could I afford to wait around and endlessly reincarnate; otherwise, a perfect version of me would appear eventually… whoops, I seem to be getting off topic.

Cough—before this battle against the Undead Lords, I never expected I would be suppressed so pitifully by melee combat. Every single move I used was predicted, and even if I instantly changed my move or made up a new attack, my moves would still be perfectly read. Not only that, I was unable to defend against any of Alexandra’s attacks. If it weren’t for my armor’s astonishing defensive prowess, I would have instantly lost.

I would have lost countless times already if fighting was simply a competition of martial arts techniques.

True, monks were known as the demonic melee combat class, but it was ridiculous how I had so pitifully lost in technique. Since I didn’t comprehend the gap between us, why not ask her to teach me?

Of course, Alexandra had refused to do so when I asked her! She probably felt that… well… she had just surrendered, after all, so she didn’t want to listen to my orders immediately. That would make her seem too shameless. So I showed her my modification techniques that I used previously on Harloys and told her that I was no longer satisfied with Slimes. I then asked Alexandra if she preferred to be a snail or an earthworm, and then she obediently helped me train and taught me.

“Your sword techniques? They’re not bad. I’m really not being sarcastic. Your foundational techniques must be from the ancient royal style. Every move you make for each sword strike is proper. Plus, you have pretty good combat instincts and talent. It wouldn’t be wrong to call you a sword genius rarely seen in a hundred years. Yep, you’re pretty good among humans.”

Alright then. Those last few words pretty much invalidated everything before. That’s right—I was pretty good, but only “among humans.” I was a “sword genius rarely seen in a hundred years,” but, again, only among humans.

I didn’t get angry at this and simply listened with my full attention. This was the cold, harsh truth. Since the Snake Archduchess was capable of singlehandedly suppressing me in melee combat to the point where I didn’t even know which direction was north, it would be good for me to listen to her. Besides, with my experience, I felt it would always be best to listen to the expert in their specialized field. Any expert’s criticism would typically be beneficial for the listener.

“…Yep, you’re pretty good among humans, but from your fight with me, you should be able to see that your sword techniques are focused on human opponents. At most, they’re suited for fighting enemies no bigger than three or four meters. These sword techniques lack imagination and adaptability, which is why I can easily predict your moves. All I need to do is watch your eyes and muscles’ movements and I can ascertain the direction of your next move.”

This was indeed a problem. But how was I supposed to solve it? I didn’t have a boneless body like she did, nor was I capable of distorting my joints in strange ways. How was I supposed to be imaginative?

“Don’t look at me with such a doubtful expression. I have evidence for my words. Have you ever met an opponent who suddenly cut off his own limb and tossed it towards you as a bomb? Have you ever fought someone covered in sticky oil that will glue your skin to his upon contact? Have you ever seen someone with an indestructible body, whose only weakness was on the soles of his feet? Do you know the advantages of me choosing such a flexible body? Before I formed my fighting style back in the day, not only did I experience countless battles, but I even challenged thousands of monasteries and fought against several thousand legendary monks.”

The Snake Archduchess paused for a moment and revealed a somewhat scared expression, as if she recalled some painful memory.

“…Actually, I’m not much to speak of, either. Don’t think my melee combat ability has reached the peak. In my thousands of battles, I’ve lost several tens of times in melee combat alone, and only barely escaped each time. In fact, one individual even managed to send out nine energy waves with one punch. Just a single exchange of blows shattered all my joints. If I wasn’t a Blood Tribe member, I think I’d have been crippled for life.”

As expected, monks would become more demonic as they got older. The only way to deal with them was to never let them get close to you. The lucky part, however, was that monks rarely lived long lives. I suddenly recalled Emordilorcan for some reason—perhaps his monk fighting form was an imitation of some opponent he had been unable to defeat.

“In the Undead Planes, the conflicts between the undead are unending, all in order to obtain chances to level up and survive. There are at minimum three others—also Myth-rank Undead Lords—who can easily defeat me, and two Undead Emperors far surpass me in martial arts. Most of them still use their human form, but their combat techniques are at a level I can’t even reach. And they still can defeat me by simply using their natural talent abilities.”

I had originally been rather proud of my sword techniques— being able to so become a Sword Saint had been the best proof of my talent. But now it would seem that all that was only considered “talented among humans.” Three hundred plus years ago, this was plenty to be proud of, and more than enough to dominate the world. But now…

“This won’t be enough considering my future opponents.”

My future opponents would only be stronger. I would likely meet monsters and demons who were thousands or tens of thousands of years old. No matter how powerful the strength behind my magic sword, it would all be meaningless if I was unable to hit my opponent. In that case, it was extremely necessary for me to improve my sword techniques—one of the important foundational strengths of a warrior.

“It’s all in practical battles. You should be able to tell at your level. Accumulated combat experience will bring about changes in you sooner or later. Your foundations are quite solid, but you obviously lack practical combat experience. Right, there are all sorts of ancient sword techniques out there. Some people have been able to use pure sword techniques to achieve results even magic can’t mimic.”

I once again thought about the sword techniques from the immemorial and great immemorial generations I could exchange for through my System or the Justice Points system. Then, I looked at my Justice Points wallet, which was just about empty. Recently, both the silly cat and my System had been “helping” me spend my money, so I had fewer and fewer points stocked up. I originally had enough to purchase half of a book, but now I barely had enough to buy a single page. I almost wanted to cry at the thought.

“I wonder if Beyana will sell just one page to me. Cough—cough—this is so embarrassing; let’s not think too much about it… Since I won’t be able to purchase any ancient sword techniques any time soon, let’s just use practical combat to train myself. Don’t I have a perfect training target in front of me?”

Alright then. Running out to the battlefield to become cannon fodder wasn’t possible for me, and the battles between mortals in Eich would be unable to give me the experience I needed. It was so rare for me to meet an opponent like Alexandra, so I had limited her physical abilities to Gold through our contract, forbid her from using any ultimate moves, lowered her speed and basic stats to lower the difficulty, and continued training against her.

But even so, I had been beaten up quite badly. Then, I discovered that the “Forest of Dreams Original Root” was capable of recovering my injuries and stamina while in battle, which was what Alexandra was referring to when she said I was “taking pills.” And so, after one hundred and twenty training sessions, the situation finally changed, and I started winning… fine, there was no change. How could it possibly be so easy to improve?

Although I had still been the one getting beaten up, at least I’d been able to last slightly longer than before. Unfortunately, the Snake Archduchess was now playing dead, unwilling to train any longer.

“Alright, I guess I could let you go for today as tiring you to death on the first day would be too much of a waste… Don’t even think of running. Countless eyes are watching you. How about I transform you into a mouse for daily life, making you a perfect match for Harloys!”

“…Let me remind you that if you intend to change her into a mouse, you should probably tell Beifeng. He recently brought back a batch of white spiky mice.”

“Sure, no problem.”

“Who’s Beifeng?”

The Undead Lord, who wasn’t up to date on societal affairs, asked this out of curiosity, so Glina handed her a book with an evil smile. The Snake Archduchess flipped through a few pages before immediately standing back up.

“Lord Roland, I’ve suddenly reached an understanding. Let us continue our practice.”

Seeing this Undead Lord trembling, I could only sigh. Beifeng’s scariness had leveled up yet again. This also gave me an idea.

“How about, if I meet any captives who refuse to surrender no matter what, I’ll just transform that captive into an animal and give them to Beifeng.”

“That’s so inhumane!”

“That’s the most inhumane thing I’ve ever heard of!”

“Milord, please reconsider! Doing something so evil will make everyone view you as the evil antagonist!”

“Boss, I object! I, Beifeng, am not someone so casual!”

“Yep. Because when you’re casual, you’re not human to begin with.”