Supreme Magus

Chapter 4316: Conflicting Natures (Part 2)

Selia and Slash glared at each other for a couple of seconds before forgetting about their grudges and focusing on Leran. Both of them and Protector wrapped the boy in a delicate embrace.

They didn’t want to smother Leran, but they knew that the nightmare would haunt his sleep whenever he believed himself to be alone.

The night passed peacefully until it wasn’t. Despite Slash’s bushy tail tickling Leran’s leg and Ryman’s hand on his shoulder, he was once again forced to relive the day of the kidnapping attempt.

This time, however, the nightmare didn’t start from the last seconds of the fight but from the collapse of the roof of Zekell’s house. Leran saw the Awakened try to kill Raaz and kidnap his friends, only for Aran and Leria to foil their plan.

He remembered the screams of the triplets, the desperate cries of Surin, and the primal force that those voices had aroused in him. The desire to protect those who were weaker than him, even if it meant engaging in a losing battle.

Leran killed the Awakened man over and over, uncaring for who he was or what he wanted. Leran could only think about the danger the Verhens were in and how his father was endangering his life to shield Leran from harm.

Even worse was the memory of the days that followed the murder. Leran knew that what he had done was wrong and foolish. He knew that he was supposed to feel guilty for taking another man’s life.

Yet he felt nothing. His heart was at peace with Leran’s actions, and that scared the boy more than anything else. He was afraid of being no different from the people his father and uncles fought every day.

A selfish human-faced monster without a conscience that only cared about himself and had no regard for the lives of others.

Leran didn’t puke that night. He cried, letting out all the feelings he couldn’t name. The fear for his humanity. The grief for the man he had killed. The pain for what he had done and the awareness that he would do it again if necessary.

Leran cried while his family could only listen quietly.

Selia wanted nothing more than to take her son in her arms and reassure him that everything would be alright. Yet she had done that many times in the previous days, and it had never worked.

Moreover, Scarlett’s words still echoed in Selia’s mind.

’I want my baby to be happy and stop crying, but that’s not what’s best for Leran. He needs to vent without listening to the worry in my voice or my tears mixing with his. He needs this.’

Selia waited, limiting herself to caressing Leran’s leg while Ryman held his shoulder.

"I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up." Leran said after he had no more tears to shed.

Protector dismissed the issue with a wave of the hand, offering the young boy a glass full of freshly conjured water. Leran gulped it down, finding relief for his sore, dry throat.

"Do you want to go back to sleep, or do you want to talk about your dream?" Ryman asked, his voice filled with fatherly affection, yet his words held no expectation.

"I don’t remember it." Leran lied through his teeth, lowering his eyes in shame.

His father was offering him a hand, yet he was too cowardly to take it.

"It’s fine." Ryman nodded. "What do you want to do?"

Leran didn’t want to lie down. The pain was too raw, yet he felt guilty for ruining everyone’s sleep.

"Can we stay like this for a bit, please?"

"Sure." Selia nodded as Slash stood up and left.

Before the huntress could have mean thoughts about the Geri, she returned with a bowl half-filled with water and a clean towel.

Leran thanked her, washing his face of snot and tears. Once he was done, she took her time emptying the bowl in the bathroom and waited outside the door for a while.

’Maybe Leran feels more comfortable talking only with his parents.’ She thought, and she was right.

It took Leran a few minutes to muster the courage to speak, but he was so tense that he didn’t notice the passing of time.

"Mom, Dad, I need to tell you something." He glanced at the door, afraid it could open any second. "Please, don’t be mad at me."

Leran was unaware that Slash had left after hearing his voice. If he ever asked what it had taken her so long, Slash would tell him she had gone for a midnight snack. She cooked herself a steak for a foolproof alibi and because she was hungry.

"We won’t get mad. We promise." Selia said, inwardly thanking Slash for her thoughtfulness.

The Geri had taken a handful of seconds to grab the bowl. Putting it away was bound to be even faster unless she was doing it on purpose.

Leran hesitated a bit, but he was afraid Slash could come back any second and hear him, so he forced himself to speak.

He told his parents about his lack of remorse, the nightmares that haunted him, and the fear that there was something wrong with him. That one day, he might hurt someone he loved and not feel guilty about it.

"I know that killing is wrong." Leran twisted and pulled the bedsheets in his hands. "Yet no matter how much I think about what I did to that man, I don’t regret it. I feel... proud of it."

He took a pause to observe his parents’ reactions, and when he saw a wide array of emotions on their faces but no disgust or blame, he continued.

"If I don’t feel anything for doing something wrong, then there must be something wrong with me. Only bad people hurt other people, right?"

"You tell me." Protector replied. "I hunt criminals for a living. Your mother hunts animals. Does that make us bad people?"

"No!" Leran denied such a disgusting idea from the bottom of his heart. "You help justice by catching the bad guys before they commit more crimes. Mom only takes what we need to live. She taught us never to make our prey suffer."

"Exactly." Ryman nodded. "Do you remember our camping trip a few years ago?"

"When you taught us how to hunt and move in our Emperor Beast form? Sure. What about it?" Leran tilted his head in confusion.

"Do you remember your first prey?" Protector asked.

"A rabbit." Leran replied. "It was so cute, but I was so hungry, and it tasted so good."

"Did you feel anything after killing it?"

Leran opened his mouth, but no matter how much he racked his brain, the answer surprised him.

"No." He said in horror. "Does this mean there was something wrong with me even two years ago?"

"Not at all, son." Ryman caressed his head. "The reason you are so confused is that your human conscience is clashing with your Skoll instinct.

"One thing Emperor Beasts carry on from their magical beast ancestors is the indifference towards the life of our prey and enemies, even if they are members of our own species. Humans, instead, make a big fuss about it."

"Isn’t the way of the beasts... wrong?" Leran asked.