Chapter 351 - Will Be Here No Matter What
Lin Rui watched the others leave and gave them a grateful glance, though he has no intention of staying at the Academy on weekends, this was something that he couldn't control, there might be a chance when he would have to stay at the academy for either reviewing his learning materials or maybe the teachers might take extra classes. In that case, he could of course have to stay behind - then who knows when he might see Su Wan.
" you - " began Lin Rui but then he noticed the obvious pain of parting flash in Su Wan's eyes and he hurriedly tried to coax her. He didn't want to see Su Wan hurt especially not because of him, though they might be separated for a while, he would try his best to meet her as much as he can " I will come back soon, don't get upset, I - I will write letters to you every day, so you won't miss me much"
Su Wan pursed her lips and looked down at her tippy toes, she wasn't a cry baby. But she knew that though Lin Rui had his weekends off, scholars, they hardly could return home. The path that Lin Rui chose was just as hard as that of a general and a soldier, if a general was the war God at the battlefield then an official was the God of the court if A general could change the fate of a country so could an official, thus, the scholars have to work really hard for attaining the title they dream of, and while pursuing his dream Lin Rui might forget about her. Because she was nothing more than a distraction- damn she shouldn't be thinking like this!
Her husband was working hard to bring glory to their family, she should smile and see him off but her insecurities that were coiled deep in her heart made it impossible for her to not to feel scared.
Wang Tao, that horrible ex-husband of hers had left such a scar that Su Wan was a bit wary of other women especially strangers - if Lin Rui stays in the town then he would come in contact with a lot of women, what if he gets attracted to someone else? Someone purer and more intellectual than her, after all, she only had some basic knowledge and there was nothing great about it.
So, how can this wise boy be into her even when he sees all the bees and butterflies wandering around him? Su Wan could of course threaten, and bind him to her but she didn't believe in 'staying together even when their hearts weren't connected ' , so of course, she wouldn't stop him - but that doesn't mean it wouldn't hurt any less.
" hey, you shouldn't be doing that," said Lin Rui as he rubbed her forehead, easing the creases on it. He crouched down so that he was at Su Wan's eye level and gazed deeply into her eyes, his expression was a bit helpless but nothing could hide the love and doting brimming in those inky pools " you know, I am the only one who gets to overthink about every little thing, not you. You are not allowed to be insecure about yourself, you get it?"
" why?" asked Su Wan blinking her eyes in confusion. At first, she had no idea how Lin Rui knew she was letting her thoughts wander about but then again this guy was the master of overthinking.
" because you are perfect, at least for me and for my brothers. I know I don't have the right to talk about what they like or not, but I know for a fact that they like you just as much as I do... No, maybe I like you more than them" said Lin Rui with a chuckle, then he tucked the strand of her hair that has escaped behind her ears and gave her a smile that made her knees go weak, how can someone be this gorgeous and handsome at the same time? " You know everyone believes that I am perfect, that I have everything under control, I don't - there are times where I hope my parents and brothers would see my struggle and stop putting on so much hope in me because I am not perfect, I'm far from it. No one sees it, maybe it's because I know how to pretend - I can fool anyone but you. You see what scares me, and yet you never doubt me, you don't ask me to do the best but tell me to aim for something I can do the best. Just like that, I can see you that maybe sometimes your trust in us wavers"
Su Wan opened her mouth, she never thought that Lin Rui was so observant, that he could catch on to what she felt. If he really knew all along that she couldn't bring herself to trust him and his brothers in the beginning and that her trust would solidify and waver in every other obstacle, then how bad it must have hurt him " I - I don't.."
" you don't have to explain yourself," said Lin Rui interrupting her "as I said, you never asked me why and I won't ask you either. But just have a bit of your faith in me, no matter where I go or what I become, no matter how our life changes whether for worse or best, I would always be by your side - and so will be my brothers. We are not good men, I won't claim to be something that we aren't because if we were good men we would have let you go and let you have a life that you deserve but we won't, we can't. But what I can promise you is that if you want you can do whatever you desire, no matter whether you win or lose, we will be standing just behind you. We won't stop you from doing what you have in mind, if you succeed the glory is yours but if you fall then we will pick up the pieces that you leave behind your wake and rebuild what you lost. Because that's where you belong in our life - as the first person we need to protect, our priority. Mine priority.. So, whatever you have in mind, forget all about it, because whatever becomes of me, I will come back to you and you have to take me in your arms. No matter how unwilling you are"