Chapter 02: I Won’t Give Up
The next time I wake up, I began doing things a baby would do. First of all, is to cry.
“Ngya, ngya, fugyaa.”
It’s hard. It feels a bit weak. Once more.
“Gya, ngyaa, gyaa!”
Alright, it’s nice and powerful. There was no clock, but I was tired from crying for about five minutes, so I took a break. Even so, this was really a hopeless house since no one came even though the baby was crying.
Now then, it’s time to practice moving my limbs. I had a blanket on top of me, but it’ll work out somehow. Now, right hand. Huh, my left hand is moving. Now, left hand. Huh, my leg moved twice. I see, so babies still can’t move as they’d like to, I thought as I desperately tried to move my limbs and the blankets slipped off me; I became exhausted and fell asleep.
I couldn’t have things go my way with my baby life; since I would eat my own fist for some reason when I tried to move my hand and I would grab things which came into contact with my hands which made my clothes into a mess.
I would look up at the ceiling and laugh even if no one was watching me and I would cry loudly even if no one came. Still, the only people that came into my room were my wet nurse, the person who cleaned my room and the person who bathed me. Three months have probably passed.
How do I know this, you say? Because my neck had settled, and even though I still couldn’t roll around in bed yet, I could move to my left and right. I gradually became able to move my limbs like I wanted to, so I could move around on top of the bed by kicking the mattress. Well, I couldn’t move back to where I was, so I remained in that miserable state until somebody came.
In order to increase my expressions, I laughed and talked to the person who gave me milk, the person who bathed me and the person who changed the sheets and cleaned. Such a lovable baby.
I became very close to Martha who fed me milk.
“You’re such an adorable baby. You’re able to smile and laugh so much even though you’ve been left alone.”
Then, she would carry me while walking around the room, so I could see outside the window sometimes. The outside of the window was really green, and looked like a well-cared for garden with a large lawn.
Martha, who held and comforted me, was a good person who properly answered my silly gibberish, probably because she’d raised many children before.
Although, I couldn’t see eye to eye with the person who bathed me. Rather, I made them angry at me a lot.
“She’s a fussy kid, so very different from the clever Luke-sama,” I have been told that by the person who bathed me; so I learnt that my older brother’s name is Luke.
“It’s your fault that Claire-sama died. Master and Luke-sama are so pitiful,” she would say as she scrubbed me. I’ll cry, you know? A baby’s skin is delicate, after all.
“You, stop it. We’re the ones who hurt and angered him.”
“’Cause, even Master and Luke-sama don’t even come to see her.”
“Luke-sama is at the academy.”
“He’s here in the same Royal Capital as her, so he could come home if he wanted to. He was so attached to Claire-sama after all. I bet he doesn’t want to see her.”
Hmm, I see. So my brother goes to school. Which means he’s a lot older than me. I moved my body with all my strength while soaking in the warm water and the water splashed.
“For crying out loud, I’m all wet! This evil brat!”
A three month old baby isn’t an evil brat or anything. Adults are the ones who are spiteful.
Well, the truth was that I soaked her on purpose. It serves you right. This baby is a little malicious. She declared to the smiling me, “You’re a creepy kid!”
However, she had to take care of me, so she dressed me and then left. Hah, I’m tired.
Good children slept at night, but I can’t sleep for a long time while I’m still a baby. Nevertheless, Martha, who came here at a relatively early time, wasn’t here at night. She probably also has her own life after all.
Therefore, I often woke up at night because I was hungry and my diaper felt gross. Babies couldn’t live regularly like this. But, I didn’t cry or make a fuss at night; because I was originally an adult. I won’t bother people at night.
And as I laid quietly awake at night, I realised; someone had opened the door and was entering the room.
Only a dim light entered the room from outside the window. The family head had said to ‘let me live’ so there shouldn’t be anyone who would do something to me. Still, the shadow approached me, who was frozen from tension; they picked me up and said, “Leila-sama.”
Leila. That’s my name. Even Martha didn’t call my name.
“Aou,” my voice just came out.
“Leila-sama, you’re awake. Then please show your beautiful eyes to Sebas,” he said as he took me to the window.
“Oh, it’s indeed the Marquis’ violet,” the person who had said that and smiled sadly was a man who was still wearing his uniform even though it was probably midnight; he was a middle-age man with slick grey hair. I talked to him, “Eeouu.”
“Leila-sama, Leila-sama,” the man rocked me gently and called my name as if he was singing. Leila. It was nice to be called by name.
“The Madam, Claire-sama, said that if her child was a girl, then her name would be Leila; and if he’s a boy, then his name would be Relm. That’s why you’re Leila.”
He slowly walked around the room.
“These slightly low eyebrows, beautiful eye shape, and small nose are just like Claire-sama’s except she had brown hair and eyes. So why does no one notice this?” He asked himself and patted me on the back. I see, so mum had brown eyes, I thought as I fell asleep comfortably. While in a stupor, I feel like Sebas had said, “I wish he would quickly realise that he will lose a precious treasure if he becomes lost in grief,” but I can’t be sure.
I wasn’t always awake at night, but Sebas would always be there when I am. I realised that the reason why I was always neatly tucked inside the blankets was because Sebas always visited me.
Sebas would always tell me what kind of people my mum, father and brother are. Mum was the second wife, and the first wife divorced father three years after she gave birth to my brother because they weren’t happy together. When I heard that, I thought, of course they would get divorced, because of his bad personality.
Then, he married mum for love. Mum was a gentle and playful person and she always teased father. Brother also loved her, so he was very attached to her.
Brother didn’t want to come home to a mansion without mum, so he would stay in the dormitory, even on weekends.
The people in this mansion tried not to interact with me as much as possible because those two were mourning so much.
In other words, it was close to neglect, and it was pointless to talk about this to the baby in question, but it was fine if that made Sebas feel at ease. I thought it would be fine for him to keep talking about these things because I could feel affection towards my mother, and I could feel that I was loved.
Besides, it made me happy to hear about my mother who I would never be able to meet in this world.
Sebas smiled gently at me, who was actively replying to him.
If Martha and Sebas wasn’t here, then a normal baby might have grown up being unable to laugh because of the lack of affection. But, I was well-loved when I had died, and even now I’m living in good health, while supplementing my lack of affection with my own love.
I was finally reborn into another life, so I won’t give up on this life.