Chapter 386 - Rare Phenomenon
Zhao Lifei didn't know why she was hesitating in front of the hospital door. She had been pacing outside for a good minute now, debating if she should just go home.
It wasn't that she was fearful or nervous, but more of, she dreaded the conversation they would have. Letting out an aggravated sigh at her indecisiveness, she decided to suck it up and open the door. Once again, she was greeted by the spacious hospital room, this time, cleared of the flowers from last night. She figured Zhao Xingxing must've realized lilies were funeral flowers since the baskets of fruits were still sitting on a table.
"Xiao Fei." Zhao Moyao had been watching his door ever since she was waiting outside. He wondered if she knew the sound of her pacing was loud. The small clicks of her high heels outside were like Chinese firecrackers. His eyes shifted to her flat stomach. She had loosely tucked her satin navy top into her black pants, hiding any bump from curious eyes.
"Elder Zhao." She curtly said, her eyes coldly landing upon his upright figure. Sitting on the bed with pillows behind him as support, there was a laptop propped onto the small table over the bed.
"What a cold greeting." If she was any of his other grandchildren, he would've called security on her for trespassing. Every time he stared at her, he was reminded of the little girl happily reaching for his hand.
"I came to see if you had awoken. Seeing as you're fine, I will be heading out now." Zhao Lifei's aloof expression disappeared when she abruptly turned her back into him. Her job was done.
"Cough!" Zhao Moyao forced himself to let out a heavy cough, faking a groan of pain. "I am far from fine, child. I think the date of my funeral is approaching soon."
Zhao Lifei resisted the urge to roll her eyes at the dramatic man. "I have things to do."
"Now, don't you want to know who will be my candidate for Chairman?"
"Wu Yuntai or Zhao Jing will be high on your list. Evidently, you see me as a very eligible candidate but mark my words, I don't want your seat."
Zhao Moyao's smile stiffened. He was biased enough to wish to see her in the CEO chair. "Why?"
"I don't want anything to do with the company that ruined your relationship with every relative that you have. I hope one day you're able to change the way you behave before you lose everyone and die alone. Once your position is given away, no one will turn their head towards you."
Zhao Moyao's face softened. In the end, she still cared for him whether she knew it or not. "That's alright with me. I prefer my peace." His eyes met her emotionless ones. She stared at him as one does to a stranger. "Though, the company of my great-grandchildren will be welcomed with open arms."
"Great-grandchildren?" She raised a brow, "Which one? The one in Heaven or the one you'll never see?"
Zhao Moyao's face was riddled with guilt as he closed his laptop and turned to face her. "Xiao Fei, what will it take for you to forgive me?"
Zhao Lifei was speechless with disbelief. Her entire life, she always assumed her grandfather was too stubborn and egoistic to apologize. He had never apologized before, nor did he seek the forgiveness of someone. Even if he was in the wrong, he would refuse to admit it and force the other party to apologize instead.
"I don't want an apology. Actions speak louder than words." Zhao Lifei frowned.
"Then what shall I do for you to forgive me?"
"Time and space away from you."
Zhao Moyao's warmth shriveled up and died off. "Yes, it would take time for you to heal, but it can also be viewed as cowardly antics."
"Funny enough, many years have passed by, yet you have not healed from the guilt." Zhao Lifei crossed her arms and stepped closer to the door. It was in her best interest to leave, as this conversation seemed to go nowhere.
"I could never heal from my guilt because you could never forgive me."
"Forgiveness?" Zhao Lifei repeated the foreign word on her tongue. "You are the one who has taught me that forgiveness is a weakness." The qualities that he had harbored her to have were making themselves known. He didn't know if he should laugh or cry at the realization that he was being forced to eat his own words.
"You were weak, to begin with. I should've known that when you grew a thick skin to shelter yourself from the schemes of your relatives and hatred of your parents. But that was long after the contract was signed." Zhao Moyao wished she wouldn't behave so stubbornly, but he couldn't say that for he was equally as hard-headed as her.
"Contrary to your belief, I was never fooled by Yang Mujian, nor was I blinded by the wealth and benefits that the Zhengs had to offer. I was merely thinking of the happiness that Zheng bastard could provide for you. It seems the polar opposite happened and for that, I apologize. It was my fault that I signed the contract, but I will not take the blame for your growth and maturity." Zhao Moyao sternly told her, his voice a contrast to his frail, feeble body condition.
"Without the humiliation you suffered, you would've still behaved like an entitled, spoiled woman. You wouldn't have gained combat and weaponry skills. You wouldn't have met the friends you made on the battlefield. And above all, you might've never met Yang Feng ever again. Perhaps fate led you back to each other, but I was never one to believe such foolishness."
"But I can say, Xiao Fei, that I am thoroughly sorry for what I have done to you. It is with my actions that sparked a chaotic path of destruction for you."
Zhao Lifei was stunned speechless by his words. He had apologized twice in one day, a phenomenon as rare as snow in summer. Her throat constricted and she was tongue-tied. What was she supposed to do or say? She couldn't forgive him for what he had done. What can apologies do? It couldn't reverse time, but neither can she reverse the actions she had contributed towards her self-destruction. They were both equally at fault and only with time could they heal from it. But will they continue to see each other in the process of healing? Or would she completely cut him off from her life?
"I care for you, Xiao Fei. I love you more than I love any of my grandchildren. You were personally raised by me when I never thought of myself as a suitable parent or grandparent. To me, you're the perfect illusion that perhaps, I could've been a better parent to my greedy children, but at this point, you and your child are all I ever need."
"I know we both need time to heal from this, but please, it would bring me the greatest happiness to see you from time to time. I have lived a long, dutiful life where I witnessed your tremendous growth that fills my heart with pride, but I fear the day I die without you by my side."
And then the waterworks came. She turned so that her back faced him and harshly wiped the tears away. She didn't want him to see this vulnerable side of her. Her body jumped, scared of its wits when a hand gently placed itself on her shoulder. He wiped her tears away and said, "I am glad to see you are finally able to stand on your own two feet."
She felt déjà vu from his actions, her heart prickling with pain at the memories of her past. "You speak as if you'll die so quickly."
"Well, I always have to be prepared for the worst." Zhao Moyao chuckled, handing her a handkerchief to which she gratefully accepted and dried the last part of her tears, turning to him with reddened eyes and nose. He wanted to tease her sullen expression, the small pout, and a face that reminded him of the crybaby she used to be. He missed that side of her, but then forced the thought from his head.
"You won't see me from time to time."
Zhao Moyao's smile saddened.
"I will continue to see you as if nothing has ever happened, but that doesn't mean I will ever forgive you for your actions. Your actions were out of the kindness of your heart and, though it was poorly executed, I understand why you did what you did during a moment of desperation." Zhao Lifei interlocked her fingers together and stared at his astonished face that broke into a tiny, fond smile.
"My, you seem to grow more and more with each passing second." He mused, his eyes glazing over, moistening a bit at the thought of her finally growing up. Even with all of the accomplishments she has racked up, in his eyes, she will forever be the little girl chasing after him with her childish pronunciation of "Gwandpa!"