441 Grieving
Parched on the sunlounger as the sunset turned the sky a burnt orange, Lira watched the clouds drifted across the sky. The soft breeze ruffled her wig, and she could hear the waves lapping against the shoreline, lulling her into a trance-like state of relaxation.
She’d been sitting there for hours, waiting for Roz to initiate a conversation. But the kid was only enjoying the book he read, and his one-liner replies to her questions told her that he didn’t like to be disturbed.
Lira’s heart skipped a beat as she observed Roz. His face looked tired and drawn, his eyes puffy from lack of sleep – and she had never felt attracted to a man before like she was right now.
She knew that what she was feeling was probably guilt or some kind of a condition called ‘Rescue romance syndrome,’ where she developed romantic feelings for her rescuer.
But Lira didn’t care. She needed someone right now, and Roz happened to be that person who saved her during her darkest days.
It was funny how she hated him before because of that petty squabble over a table, and now she found herself constantly searching for his company.
Maybe it was karma?
“What?” Roz asked after minutes that Lira was just staring at him.
“Can I tell you something?”
“Even if I said no, you’ll still tell me anyway.”
Lira chuckled and fixed herself comfortably on the lounger. “Is that your way of saying yes?
“. . .”
When Roz didn’t speak, Lira looked over at the horizon and told her tales.
“Sometimes I feel like there is something eating me up from the inside as if my conscience is telling me I’m not good enough. Every day I plastered my face with makeup, wore loose clothes, and faked a smile. But some days I can’t take it anymore. I miss dinner one day . . . then again and again . . .
p、A,nd A-n、o、ve,1
“. . .”
“I was depressed because I felt like . . . no one really knew the real me. And if they did, they wouldn’t accept me. That I wasn’t enough and needed to be like this and that.
“Deep down . . . I probably wanted to end it all, but I didn’t know how. I have millions of followers, and I felt like millions would be disappointed if I did.”
Lira reached for the sun that was slowly going down. A breeze blew through, bringing with it the scent of salt water, and she closed her eyes for a moment.
“I guess that video was a blessing in disguise . . .” she bitterly smiled.
Roz didn’t say anything for a second. “But you like streaming, right? You like being in the limelight.”
Lira sniffed loudly. “Well . . . we can’t always have what we want . . .”
Roz turned the page of his book, eyes on the papers still. “You didn’t violate any law. You’re not a criminal. You can start all over again.”
Lira laughed. “I am a criminal. I deceived them.”
“It’s called acting. And the last time I checked, no actors were jailed because they were portraying a different character on cam.”
Lira was silent before she burst out laughing. “You have a shrewd way of thinking. Are you going to be a lawyer someday? If so, I will definitely hire you.”
“I don’t want something as strenuous of a job as that.”
Lira giggled. “Kidding aside, I don’t think I would have any more followers and fans.”
Roz shrugged. “As you said, you can’t have it all. But you can start fresh, and this time, with your true, ugly, and bitchy personality. Others would still dig it.”
“You’re still holding a grudge against me, aren’t you?”
“No comment.”
Lira chuckled, and she shifted her eyes at Roz and at the horizon for a good minute before she asked in a timid voice, “Are you . . . are you going to follow me?”
“. . . Didn’t I already did?” Roz threw the question back at her, focus still on the book in his hands.
Lira didn’t comment and was contented to lay on the lounger with a satisfied smile on her face.
—-
The next morning, Ren’s condition improved, as well as all the others who had been stressed the previous days.
Ren could speak long sentences now. Could smile and make his usual signature sarcastic remarks and swim with the others and play volleyball on the beach.
However, he asked for some time alone later that afternoon when the sun was beginning to retire for the day.
Evie and the others respected his wishes, and they set up a bonfire instead for the upcoming night.
Ren walked along the paste-like white sand on the shore as he recalled his time with his parents. He never really allowed himself to grieve, but now . . . he would let go of all the pain in his heart.
He was ready to let them go and start anew.
With tears streaming down his face, Ren could do nothing but sit cross-legged on the sandy shore and stare at the horizon in front of him. Waves of a deep royal blue sprayed onto his bare, sand-encrusted feet in cycles.
And beyond those magical waves was something even more amazing and breathtaking. The sunset. Beautiful smudges of coral, lavender, turquoise and a fiery orange blended together to create a sight so astounding it swept him away from all of his worries, just like the waves creeping over seashells and snatching them into its depth.
Ren’s last teardrop fell and hit the soft white sand, and a warm feeling of safety and security overwhelmed him as the sun dipped down below the horizon.
Goodbye, mom and dad. I’ll miss you.
Ren wiped his tears and stood to his feet.
He couldn’t save them even in this life, but it didn’t mean that everything ended for him.
Life must go on whether he likes it or not.
And unlike in the past, where he was all alone when his parents died . . . now he had a home.
Evie was his home now, a place where he could return to. A place where he belonged.