Lich for Hire

Chapter 450: Starting A Divine War

His original comment about marrying Thanos to the kouto goddess had been a joke.

But now, with Blobdilpulp's projection looming overhead and Thanos actively watching, Ambrose found he meant every word of it.

This deranged goddess had spent months making his life difficult. He was not going to let that pass without consequence.

Thanos wanted a spectacle? Fine. Here was a spectacle. One deranged deity, gift-wrapped and delivered.

Let the deranged god and the deranged goddess be locked up together! Let them have a taste of each other!

The chaos-loving Thanos manifested in Ambrose's palm and laughed with genuine delight. "Now that I find interesting! I love it when you're reckless like this. But you understand what you've just done: you've made a vow in my presence. If you fail to deliver, the storm's vengeance will follow."

It seemed that Thanos was even willing to accept a lobster-headed lunatic as his prize out of boredom.

Blobdilpulp, for her part, let out a grating shriek of laughter. "Stupid, arrogant mortal. What can you possibly do to a god? In this deep sea, the kouto number in the millions. You killed just a few tens of thousands. Do you really think tricking a handful of deities makes you their equal? You're a mortal. You're nothing!"

Ambrose's response was unhurried. "Goddess, I've met a few deities myself. Tell me: could you have made Loss spit out half her divine domain? Could you compel the Archduchesses of Hell, Sariel and Tiamat, to retreat from a contract? Did the elven god-king Choralan come to you for help saving the drow?"

Blobdilpulp's enormous mouth opened. Nothing came out.

Ambrose pressed on, his voice rising: "You think you're some ancient primordial deity? I was polite earlier because I came to negotiate in good faith. You didn't even give me a chance to speak. You've been the aggressor every single time, attacking me again and again without provocation! I believe in harmonious commerce, but even I do not possess infinite patience.

"I will have you bound and delivered to the Lord of Storms' ruins. Consider yourself warned. If I fail, may I become a kouto!"

"Blasphemous lich!" Blobdilpulp howled. "I will destroy you! No one can save you now!"

"Try it," Ambrose shot back. "Right here, right now, let's see how many of your divine domains Aion strips away as punishment! The Lord of Dawn himself doesn't dare smite me with holy light. What makes you think you can? Do you think madness gives you the right to do anything you please? I'm a mortal, and I'm going to show you what mortal wrath looks like!"

Thanos, watching from the sideline, erupted into applause.

"Magnificent! I've never seen such a reckless mortal—you're more entertaining than Arthur Lyon! Now, how are you planning to actually do it?"

He had no intention of helping. He simply wanted to see how a mortal proposed to package up and deliver a living goddess.

"Thanos! You call yourself a deity and you just watch while this mortal blasphemes us both?! Aion will punish you!" Blobdilpulp turned her fury toward the Lord of Storms.

The water around her avatar churned with violent force, threatening to strike Thanos's projection.

Aion's rules didn't apply in a fight between two gods. Blobdilpulp would happily catch the lich in the crossfire.

Thanos glanced at her with supreme indifference. "You, a match for me? In my estimation, this lich outranks you in importance."

He turned back to Ambrose. "I enjoy this script: mortal defiance against the divine. See that you can actually deliver on it. If you succeed, the reward will exceed anything you've imagined. Don't disappoint me, you audacious little mortal. I have no interest in watching you grovel."

The bracelet's amber light returned. Thanos's gaze had withdrawn.

Ambrose paid no further attention to Blobdilpulp's sputtering rage. He had made his declaration, and what happened next was no longer dependent on her cooperation or approval. He had never intended to negotiate this away.

Since Thanos didn't object, Ambrose could proceed.

Blobdilpulp, still furious, taunted Ambrose. "Mortal, that cowardly Thanos would never help you. What can you do to me by yourself?"

Ambrose scoffed and flew toward the sky.

Blobdilpulp watched him go. She considered striking him down, but chose not to. Most of the kouto in this sea were dead already. The survivors couldn't threaten him.

Blobdilpulp was a lunatic, but not a complete fool. In her mind, Ambrose was still a mortal.

He was clever and dangerous, but fundamentally limited.

Her divine realm existed in the depths of the elemental plane of water. He couldn't touch her there.

He could harass her believers, but eradicating an entire race was beyond any mortal's capacity—and the ocean was vast.

The ocean gods would never permit the extinction of the kouto.

She let out her characteristic deranged giggle. "He can't do anything to me. Ha. Hahaha. He'll just take Thanos's punishment, and I'll watch. Yes. Just watch!"

Ambrose abandoned the Blacktide, now a total wreck, and flew toward his Coin Island at supersonic speed.

Contrary to Blobdilpulp's assumptions, he had no interest in going after the kouto. That had never been his plan.

He knew the basic rules well enough: the moment a race faced extinction, its patron deity gained authorization to act directly in its defense, unconstrained by Aion's usual restrictions. He wasn't going to give Blobdilpulp that opening.

It was true that, by that point, the kouto would be near-extinction and Blobdilpulp severely weakened. But Ambrose had no intention of taking such a troublesome, circuitous route against her.

His goal was Blobdilpulp herself, not her believers. The means had to match the objective.

He would strike at her directly.

He was back on Coin Island before he contacted Catherine through the magic mirror.

"I got out through the transfer array before the ship went down," Catherine said the moment he connected. "Are you alright?"

"Fine. It's just one airship." The words came through gritted teeth.

The Blacktide had been modified so many times its value couldn't simply be measured in gold anymore. It had irreplaceable technical significance.

And his mass Power Word: Kill had cost so much that his soul was still trembling in the aftermath.

But it was fine. He would make it all back once he dealt with Blobdilpulp.

"Catherine, I need to ask for your help. I need to contact the elven gods."

Hearing his serious tone, Catherine nodded. "I'll pray on your behalf. What would you like me to convey?"

"I need to speak with them directly, not through you. It doesn't matter which one, as long as they can represent the elven gods' collective position. But I need to speak to the representative in person."

Catherine frowned. "That will be difficult."

The elven gods were so prideful as to never respond to most believers' prayers. An in-person audience with a divine projection for Ambrose's sake was a significant demand. Even for something as serious as the drow situation, the gods had communicated that entire matter through Catherine as intermediary.

Ambrose showed no surprise. "If they're unwilling to meet me directly, then there's no need to involve them."

He didn't dwell on it long. He switched to the God of Alchemy, who appeared still holding his crystal hammer, mid-experiment. When he saw Ambrose, he carefully set the hammer down first.

"My dear student, please tell me you haven't provoked another greater divinity."

"It's not that easy to run into greater divinities."

"True enough. Even you can't manage two in quick succession." The God of Alchemy picked the hammer back up and resumed working. "So what is it this time?"

"I'm going to kidnap the kouto goddess Blobdilpulp," Ambrose said, "and deliver her to Thanos as a bride."

The hammer hit the table. Another flash of blinding light reduced the table to cinders.

The God of Alchemy waved the smoke away without even bothering to restore the setup this time. He stared at Ambrose with frank outrage. "Have you lost your mind?! Blobdilpulp's divine realm is in the trenches of the elemental plane of water! You want me to go in there and drag her out?! Do you understand what that means?"

"Can it be done?"

"Obviously not! I am the God of Alchemy, not the God of Abduction! Setting aside whether I could even locate her within the elemental plane of water, even if I found her, walking into her own divine realm is suicide! You know why Thanos can broadcast his divine realm's location to every other god? Because a deity in their own realm is at absolute maximum power! If I enter Blobdilpulp's realm, I'll die!"

"Right. You alone won't work." Ambrose conceded the point. "But what if you weren't alone? What if other deities joined in?"

"Which deities?"

"I'm still petitioning them. The elves are my first choice. If Choralan agrees, then even Blobdilpulp will have no choice but to surrender."

The elven god-king was the one deity in the world who could legitimately contest the Goddess of Magic for the title of the strongest deity besides Aion. In single combat, Choralan's arrow had no equal.

The God of Alchemy shook his head. "You're dreaming. The elven gods just declared war on Loss, and even weakened as Loss is, she's not a trivial foe. Choralan has no time for this, and no motivation to help you pick a fight with another deity."

"It's worth trying, and Choralan is only my first candidate. The second is the Lady of Mists, Leyla. She wouldn't refuse my invitation."

"In her current state? She's still dependent on Sylvanas's shelter. Whatever she'd like to do personally doesn't matter. You'd need Sylvanas's approval first."

"I'll manage." Ambrose's tone remained steady. "Beyond those two, I'm also planning to approach Sariel and Tiamat."

The God of Alchemy stared. "You've lost it. You're seriously talking about making deals with two Archduchesses of Hell? Have you forgotten what you did to them before?"

Word of Ambrose's maneuvers against both infernal lords had, at this point, spread through the divine community. Sariel and Tiamat had been humiliated. They presumably despised him. What possible basis existed for their cooperation?

"Pride is worthless even to mortals. It's even less meaningful to devils. I know how to make it worth their while. And while I'm at it, I might be able to bring in a few more Archdukes as well. Master, don't forget that I can produce soul coins. Gold can hire armies; soul coins can make devils steal a bride for me."

The God of Alchemy went very quiet. When had Ambrose started making so many connections among the divine?

"Do you understand what you're proposing?" the God of Alchemy warned. "My dear student, you are organizing a war between deities."

"Last time," Ambrose said, without particular emotion, "I declared to every power in this world that no one would tell me what to do again. That worked reasonably well. The mortals understand, at least, that I am not to be trifled with. Some deities, however, still haven't received the message. So this time, I'm going to say it to the gods. I want them to understand what I can do. Unless Aion personally moves to stop me, Blobdilpulp is mine.

The God of Alchemy let out a long sigh. "Fine. I understand. This divine domain of mine was essentially your gift to me anyway, so I might as well join you in being reckless. Give me a little time. I may be able to pull in a few valuable allies."

Ambrose blinked. "Valuable allies—you mean the Lord of Knowledge, Oguma?"

Could it be? Could it be?

That would be extraordinary. He was nearly as strong as the Goddess of Magic!

The God of Alchemy waved that off immediately. "Oguma appreciates my capabilities. That doesn't make us friends, and I certainly can't ask him to intervene. Don't even think about it. But the Goddess of Wealth might be a reasonable option."