Chapter 119: "You’re too bad to me.
Chapter 119: Chapter 119: "You’re too bad to me.
Xie Jinbai was stunned.
As he listened to her previous words, his expression had slowly gone blank. He stared at her lips as they moved, completely deaf to what she was saying.
All he could think was, ’She misses me, too.’
’She thinks about me every day, worries about me...’
The man on top of her didn’t move for a long time. Cui Lingyao’s brow furrowed slightly. Just as she was about to speak, she heard him ask, "You’re just saying that to make me feel better, aren’t you?"
Just look at him!
Just look at him!
"I don’t know why I even bothered telling you!" Cui Lingyao fumed. "Believe it or not, I don’t care. I..."
The rest of her words were cut off by the man’s kiss.
"I believe you. I do,"
Xie Jinbai lowered his head, peppering her lips with small kisses. He coaxed her in a hoarse voice, "Yaoyao, please say it again."
Cui Lingyao: "..."
She finally understood. It wasn’t her most recent words he didn’t believe, but the ones before.
Remembering what she had just said, Cui Lingyao turned her face away. "Don’t push your luck."
She refused to say it again, and Xie Jinbai didn’t press her. He simply propped himself up, staring at her without blinking.
The pitch-black room was unsettlingly quiet.
Cui Lingyao pursed her lips. "Get up."
"No," Xie Jinbai refused without a second thought. "If I get up, you’ll just avoid me. You’ll stay as far away as possible."
’She wouldn’t snuggle into my arms on her own anymore, like she used to. Instead, she’d avoid me the moment she saw me, her face filled with disgust.’
’She’s kinder to everyone else than she is to me.’
’No matter what I do, she’s never moved by me.’
"Yaoyao..." Xie Jinbai’s voice was raspy. "You’re so cruel to me."
"..."
’He was the one acting like a scoundrel, being domineering, tyrannical, and unreasonable, yet here he was, accusing *me*.’
Cui Lingyao was running out of patience.
All she could do was glare at the man on top of her in the faint moonlight.
Her almond eyes were wide with anger, vibrant and full of life.
Xie Jinbai’s heart pathetically softened at the sight. He lowered his head to kiss her eyes, his lips tracing the texture of her skin, feeling the life flowing through her.
"Yaoyao... Yaoyao..."
He called her name softly, murmuring, "I’m so scared this is all a dream. I was scared I’d rush back to Pingzhou and you wouldn’t be there... Scared you’d fallen in love with someone else."
’He had endured the pain of losing the one he loved for three long years.’
’Now, tasting the sweetness of getting her back, he was so overjoyed he was flustered, unsure of what to do.’
’But with this joy came an overwhelming terror.’
’He’d never been this afraid.’
’There were too many fears, and they were too intense.’
’His greatest fear was that she would leave him, that she would abandon him all over again.’
’Xie Jinbai knew, of course, that if it came to taking things by force, no one could stop him.’
’But he was still terrified!’
’He was afraid that if she truly decided to be with Shen Tingyu, no matter the cost—even threatening to kill herself—what would he do then?’
’He could never be ruthless with her.’
’Any resolution he made after long, painful deliberation would be instantly forgotten the moment he saw her tears.’
’Between the two of them, she was the only one who had ever been cruel.’
In the darkness, the man on top of her sniffled softly, then buried his head in the crook of her neck.
He seemed utterly miserable and fragile.
Cui Lingyao lay perfectly still, staring blankly into the darkness as his voice echoed in her ears.
After a long moment, she moved her wrists. "Let go. My wrists are sore."
Xie Jinbai flinched, and his long fingers slowly loosened their grip.
’He braced himself, expecting her to push him away again. He’d already decided that no matter what, he’d be shameless and hold her just a little longer.’
But in the next instant, her soft, fair wrists wrapped right around his shoulders.
"Xie Jinbai,"
For the first time since they’d reunited, Cui Lingyao hugged him first. "Listen to me carefully. I will marry you."
She said, "When my year of mourning is over, I’ll marry you again."
Xie Jinbai’s body went rigid. He lifted his head from the crook of her neck. "Really?"
His voice was taut, laced with a hoarseness he couldn’t hide.
Cui Lingyao hummed softly in affirmation.
’She no longer cared to wonder if this was all just a ploy for sympathy. All she knew was that her heart ached with a sour, bitter feeling that was hard to bear.’
’Even a brief marriage creates a lasting bond. They had been husband and wife for three years, and in love for two and a half of them. She wasn’t made of stone; she couldn’t stand to see him so humbled and vulnerable, time and time again.’
’Right now, she just wanted to follow her heart and put an end to the pain for both of them.’
Her hands, which were wrapped around his neck, slowly slid up to cup his cheek. Cui Lingyao said, "When I said I missed you and was worried about you, that was real, too. You have to believe me."
"I believe you." Afraid her arms would get tired, Xie Jinbai lowered his head further, resting it against the side of her neck. "I believe anything you say."
’She was so powerful. A gentle hug, a few simple words, and it was like a warm current flowing through his veins, warming his entire body from the inside out.’
’The part of his chest that had felt hollow for years was now filled with a comforting warmth.’
Xie Jinbai’s eyelids drooped. He pressed his lips to her cheek, nuzzling her affectionately. "I like hearing it," he whispered. "Could you say a little more?"
Cui Lingyao fell silent.
’How could a grown man be so...’
She swallowed hard. "During the days we were apart, I worried about you more and more each day. I worried if your injuries had healed, and I worried you’d be too arrogant and underestimate your enemy, walking right into a trap."
’Only then did I realize that I could be scared, too.’
’...Scared that something would happen to him.’
Cui Lingyao said, "I was happy to see you just now. But you stormed in here, furious, and started interrogating me. You made it impossible for me to speak to you civilly."
"How would I dare interrogate you?"
Xie Jinbai listened quietly until she finished, then offered a defense. "I was just jealous. Seeing you come back with him, shoulder to shoulder... seeing you let him get so close... I was just so jealous."
’He didn’t dare do anything to Shen Tingyu.’
’He was even cautious about being jealous.’
Cui Lingyao couldn’t hold back any longer. "So you dragged me into this room and took liberties with me?"
’And he still won’t get up!’
"I just missed you too much," Xie Jinbai said, feeling no guilt. "I’ve been thinking about you constantly these past few days, even blaming myself for not taking you with me."
’He should have taken her with him and kept her within his sight, nipping any future problems in the bud.’
’That way, he wouldn’t have to live in constant anxiety, wouldn’t be consumed by this fear of losing her.’
Faced with his gangster logic, Cui Lingyao was at a loss.
She said no more.
But Xie Jinbai was just getting warmed up and steered the conversation back.
He tightened his arms around her and asked softly, "Were you really that worried about me?"
With a deadpan expression, Cui Lingyao hummed in agreement.
Xie Jinbai’s spirits soared. He began rubbing the wrists she’d complained were sore and asked, "So, because you were worried, you realized I wasn’t so unimportant to you after all, and that’s why you decided to marry me again, right?"
He had figured out her line of thinking with startling accuracy.
Cui Lingyao’s silence was her answer.
Xie Jinbai chuckled and sighed. "My mistake. I shouldn’t have tried to be such a hero. I should have let you worry about me sooner."
Cui Lingyao: "..."
’She was beautiful even when her face was blank.’
’She really was a treasure.’
Xie Jinbai was utterly captivated. He felt he could never hold her enough. Cupping her jaw, he kissed her again and again.
His searing lips traced a path down her cheek, soon landing on her collarbone, where he began to nibble gently.