Chapter 321 - The Burdens We Carry
Sumire didn't know how Yuhi knew what to do, but he quickly took her back to his place after he did that. Yes, his place and not the bar, so she already knew he was angry. So when he leads her to the room and asks her if she is okay, it surprises her.
"Slightly. But I should rest for a bit."
"Atushi informed me about your attacks already. He didn't give me enough details, but you're getting them because of your depression, aren't you?" Yuhi said as he sat down on the bed beside her.
"Yes." She trails off. "I'm sorry."
Sorry for making you carry this burden with her.
The truth is that attacks like this have happened before, but she coped with the pain during those times.
"Don't apologize. People these days carry around so much stress. We're in a world in which it's hard to breathe. You're just more delicate than others. It's nothing strange. There's nothing wrong with you."
Ah, of course, he would say it like this. She should have known already. Yuhi always gives her the answers she wants to hear. The words she wants other people to give to her.
"Besides, you're not the only one. The way I am now, I won't be able to defeat Mamoru. I've been saying stuff like stealing you away from him. But a messed-up guy like me who does drugs isn't any better for you. The person I am right now can't do much for you."
Her eyes widened when she heard him say those words.
She did suspect that he was doing that, but she had no evidence. Moreover, even if she did, she would not pry any further. If he does not want to tell her, she will not force him.
He can't do much for her? What a joke. Yuhi has already done more than he needs to.
"Yuhi. . ."
"Why is it like this? Even though my love for you hasn't changed at all. I wonder, when did I become such a cruel person?"
When she saw him hunch over, his hand placed on his head. She held back her tears.
This was the first time she saw him like this, but she immediately understood. This person is in so much pain; just like her, he has a hard time surviving every day. It's not just her with these messed-up emotions. Although he isn't getting any attack like her, he loses himself in those drugs to make himself forget.
He is suffering so much.
Sumire grabs hold of his hands.
"You're not cruel. The longer we live, the more burdens we will have to carry. You can't just do as you like. That's why we need someone to share the burden with to continue walking down this path. Right now, the only one I could consider sharing this burden with is you."
He is hurt, and it is because of her; she should never have left him. In the back of her mind, she was always thinking that. Thinking that she should not have let go of those hands that day. Even though her chest still hurts due to the attack from a few minutes ago.
Sumire pulls him in her hold, and he buries his head in her chest as she gently caresses his hair.
"Sumire."
"Good boy. You are like a kid Yuhi."
"Right back at you. But, I'm comfortable like this. When I'm with you, I'm at ease."
She said something like this before towards Mamoru. 'Ru, I wonder why it is that whenever I'm together with you, all my problems vanish.'
Back then, she thought she would always be together with him. If it is him, then maybe she would learn to trust the world again. Maybe she could learn to like herself.
Sumire shuts her eyes and briefly opens them. "Me too."
"If you're going to lie, do a better job next time."
"Do you want to be consoled or not?"
"Your tongue is sharp as ever."
"I, love you Yuhi. But I can't live in a world without Ru. Like this, I am just selfish, aren't I?"
"Yeah, that is pretty selfish of you. But didn't you just say it about shouldering burdens? This is your burden, right Sumire? The burden of loving others."
"That's right."
For someone like her who was not supposed to experience happiness, let alone love. Shouldering this burden contradicts everything she has felt before.
"I can only express what I think through my songs. Every time I sing, my feelings of love tend to come pouring out. I like to sing, but if every time I sing, those painful feelings pour out. Then has singing not also become a burden? But right now, singing is all I have."
She wants to be wrapped in those warm arms again, those arms that always made her feel so very safe. But she can't. Right now, she can't see him; all she has is singing. If somebody took this from her, then she would surely break down.
Her thoughts broke off when Yuhi held her hand tightly. "It is true that many people have expectations of you when you sing. I also understand how suffocating something you love can get. But Sumire, you have to remember something, you are no longer alone. So even though it is difficult what you told me just now, tell the others also."
"Didn't you want to monopolize me?"
At that comment, Yuhi laughed. "True. But . . . ." His gaze softened. "I didn't agree to let you go back then without putting up a fight, only for this to happen."
"I don't have anything other than singing now."
Even though her precious singing led to the death of her most precious person, it is still the thing she loves the most.
Yuhi shook his head and lifted his head from her chest as he firmly clasped their already intertwined hands.
"You have us. Sumire, you'll be alright. Were with you now."
Sumire doesn't say anything as she rests her head on his shoulders. If only she could remain with this person forever.
Back when Terashima Yuhi came to find her. She seriously thought that she wouldn't mind dying then because she had always longed for him.
She longed to bask in the same light as him, so she worked to catch up. But just when she reaches the very edge of the staircase, he increases the steps. She has to work hard; otherwise, this person may leave her.
A person like her does not deserve happiness, warmth, or love.
A person as rotten and vile as her does not deserve this person. But even if she understands that, she still wants to selfishly never let go of this hand.
She has to make sure that he does not let go.