Chapter 446
Chapter 446: The Emperor’s Daughter 446
Probably because I wept out loud during the day, I managed to fall asleep rather quickly. I opened my eyes, only to find the night sky. I smiled bleakly at what I saw.
It was still night. Looking at the black sky, it felt unlikely for the night to end quickly.
All right, it had been a while since I slept so good at night.
The dark landscape accompanied my feelings. It seemed so quiet and lonely, yet it calmed me.
“Assisi, you there?”
I wasn’t asking. I just said it because I wanted him to come out; I knew he was there.
Unsurprisingly, I heard a sigh from the outside; the door opened after a long gap. Assisi opened the door and entered.
It was a familiar scene I had always seen since Assisi became my guardian knight.
I smiled as I watched Assisi approach me.
“Sorry.”
Assisi was shocked at my sudden apology. He was surprised, but I just shrugged it off.
“I was grumpy, and Assisi kept on accepting everything, so it seemed like I acted out of context.”
I approached Assisi, who stopped.
“Can you forgive me?”
I knew that he would forgive me; that was why I asked it, but I felt horrible. Assisi, who was caught off guard by my sudden apology, pitied me.
Hesitating for a moment, he nodded.
I smiled.
Assisi’s hand was as cold as ever, but there was a warmth I could feel.
“There was always something I wanted to ask.”
I opened my lips.
“Dad and you aren’t just lord and knight, right?”
Yeah, it was something I always wondered.
No one really answered my question. I tried to think of an answer, but I could never get one.
After a while, Assisi nodded.
“I have to repay Your Majesty for something.”
I wanted to ask what it was, but my mouth didn’t open. I felt like I shouldn’t push too far.
As I smiled, Assisi’s face went dark. What was it?
I grabbed Assisi’s hand. It meant that he didn’t have to say anything if he didn’t want to, but Assisi’s head dropped with a darker expression.
“I… I am a cursed child.”
“Huh? What does that suppose to mean?”
I was embarrassed.
‘What was he talking about?’
Assisi spoke as if it was a grave matter. Like he wasn’t kidding. To prove his seriousness, Assisi continued.
“I will make the people around me unhappy, and someday I will lead them to hell, a child who shouldn’t have been born.”
What bullshit was I hearing? I was a little angry.
“Who said that?”
“My father.”
I went quiet without realizing it. I held my breath.
Assisi, who observed to confirm my reaction, bit his lip thinking back on the painful words he spoke. However, he didn’t stop talking.
“When I was young, before bedtime, my father would punish me. He said that I had to be punished because I was the child of the devil. Even when my skin would tear apart and bleed, even when I couldn’t scream out loud anymore, I had to get punished.”
“It’s alright. You don’t have to talk about it.”
Although the man before me would swing a sword all day, the pain of his past distorted his face. I was sorry to see that; I tried to make him stop, but Assisi was set on talking about it.
With a shaking breath, Assisi shook his head and began to talk again.
“My father loved my mother, but my mother couldn’t love him back. No, I am not sure if she loved him or not because I didn’t know my mother.”
Assisi’s mother was Lady Sicelia. I thought she was simply the previous King’s concubine, but the woman was a mother and a wife. It was something natural, but it came with a strange shock for me.
“I don’t know if it was because of my love for my mother or simply because I hated it. I don’t remember much, but my childhood was sick and painful.”
So, that was why he couldn’t stand still when children were getting hit.
Although he didn’t talk about it, I would have acted out of the memories I had if I was in that situation. I resented what I did and pitied him.
Wounds on Assisi’s body.
I always assumed that his wounds came from his long experience on the battlefield.
“You don’t have to say it all.”
“No.”
Assisi shook his head firmly.
“Let me speak.”
I didn’t mean to stop Assisi’s words. He just seemed to be in pain. Even his expression made me feel terrible, and I didn’t want him to go down the painful road once again for me.
It must have been painful to remember what happened; just speaking out would create new wounds on him.
Nevertheless, Assisi was firm on wanting to speak, and I didn’t stop him anymore.
“It was because my father ordered me to hold a sword, but I did it because he wouldn’t hit me when I was holding a sword. I had no purpose with a sword. I held onto it and escaped. Those who helped a broken boy like me were Ferdel and Silvia.”
I knew then why Assisi had very few people around him. I could also see why Ferdel and Silvia were constantly worried about Assisi. I always assumed that it was because Assisi wasn’t great at socializing.
“But Your Majesty never approached me nor avoided me.”
“Sounds like my dad.”
“Which was why I felt comfortable with Sil and Ferdel. All I needed was a little comfort to live.”
Just telling his story, Assisi’s expression softened.
I noticed that my dad saved Assisi from his abusive father.
“I never thought that after such a past, I would grow up to be normal.”
Assisi bowed his head.
I just waited.
How was I supposed to comfort him? I didn’t know what to say, and I didn’t want to say something wrong and hurt him.
Ugh, stupid!
I held Assisi’s hand tightly, making sure he wouldn’t pull away.
“It wasn’t your fault.”
I was trying to tell him that he was loved. After knowing the hell Assisi had to walk through and the sorrow he had to feel all on his own, my heart ached.
I went to hug him, just like he used to when I was younger.
“It wasn’t your fault Assisi.”
Right, it wasn’t his fault. He was never in the wrong.
Whatever it was.
I was certain. Assisi bit his lips.
“Then…”
Assisi asked.
“Where did it go wrong?”
His troubled expression returned. I held him a little tighter; That was all I could do.
“It wasn’t your fault. It didn’t happen because of you.”
He wasn’t bad, and he didn’t do anything wrong.
What did it mean to be a parent if he would harass his child? Through love or hatred, a child could be lifted or lost.
There was no other relationship apart from parent and child, which could harbor love and hate.
A relationship that wouldn’t break even with abandoned hope.
“My blood is made up of two evils. The blood of a woman that could love no one, and a man ruined by love.”
A voice filled with grief.
“There is no woman in the world that I can truly love, for I am twisted. For that same reason, I am not sure if I can love my child properly. There is no guarantee that my child will grow up well. This cursed bloodline ends with me. No one ever will get sick or feel pained…”
He sighed.
“So, a child like me must not be born again.”
A depressing declaration.
I couldn’t say anything; I just held Assisi in my arms.
‘Please make my Assisi happy. Please don’t let him feel pain anymore.’
“You said that I could leave anytime I wanted, Ria. But the truth is, I can’t live a single day apart from you.”
“Why?”
Assisi laughed bitterly at my question.
I couldn’t even notice what kind of expression he had.
“I just didn’t want to feel pain; the moment I grabbed the sword and took away someone’s happiness, I realized that I didn’t deserve happiness. It wasn’t my will to drive so many to death, but it was something I did. I know that they were unforgivable and deadly sins.”
I wanted to deny it, but I couldn’t get myself to speak. Assisi’s words continued.
“And since I’m such a person, you are the last thing that I will be greedy about.”
“Huh?”
“I just want to be with Ria.”
I was the last thing he would be greedy about; what could it mean?
I shook my head and wanted to say something, but I couldn’t think of any. My head was in a mess.
Assisi smiled while looking at me. A different smile.
“This moment makes me so glad that I feel sinful; I can’t hold on to more than this. This is right for me,”
“But Assisi…”
“Princess.”
Assisi pulled my hands.
The hands which held mine were huge.
“You are the only one I can protect.”
Said Assisi in a quiet tone.
“So I will give all my happiness to the princess.”
‘What is that? That is messed up.’ I complained.
“Can’t Assisi just be happy?”
“At this moment, I am very happy.”
Assisi smiled.
“I am happy.”
But…
He looked at me.
“To watch you be happy is what I want.”
Happiness differed for each individual, but this was too much. I really knew that it was too much.
I released his hand and stroked his cheek, his eyes looking into mine.
“My happiness is seeing Assisi be happy.”
The knight who had been by my side since my childhood.
My knight in shining armor.
“Which is why we…”
It was difficult, but I smiled as brightly as I could.
“Should be happy together rather than wish for one-sided happiness.”
No matter how happy I was, how could I enjoy it if Assisi was suffering?
“How about that?”
Assisi was family. Being a part of the family didn’t mean we had to be connected with blood. If Assisi, who lived his life protecting me, couldn’t be called family, then I had no right to consider anyone else.
Assisi hesitated at my words.
“How can I do that?”
I smiled.
“This princess allows it. And you can.”
Since we needed each other so much, we kept clinging on desperately to the relationship we formed.