Back Then, I Adored You

With his back facing Xiaowang, Gu Yusheng’s eyes drifted off into a trance as he listened to his phone conversation with Qin Zhi’ai.

Should I let her go like this?

But what can I do beyond letting her go?

How could I be so selfish as to force her to stay at Hui Shi and give up on her future merely because I think she resembles little troublemaker?

What if Xiaowang eventually finds proof that she’s not little troublemaker?

If I’ve really made up my mind that I would let her down because of little troublemaker, then I need to let her go now before I ruin everything for her.

At the moment I pretended that nothing had happened after we had sex that night, didn’t I ruin her then?

Although Gu Yusheng felt he would never understand how Qin Zhi’ai had managed to hold such a special place in his heart, that didn’t matter anymore.

After she leaves, she’ll just be a memory.

It is actually good that she leaves.

If she continued to be my personal assistant, I would inevitably harbor some selfish personal desires.

I would want to avoid her for the sake of little troublemaker, yet I’m so uncontrollably drawn toward her.

It would not be good for either of us.

Gu Yusheng’s feelings had been conflicted in this way from the beginning. In the hospital, he had clearly felt a strong attraction to her, and he’d tried hard to suppress it, to the point where he ordered her to leave.

He was aware that he should not cross this line and yet, upon knowing about her mother’s accident, he couldn’t help but stand up to help her.

Now, the decision had been made but, since she had already entered his heart, it pained him greatly to let her go.

…

By the time Qin Zhi’ai left the Peking Clubhouse, it was already close to noon.

Her pregnancy had made her constantly hungry and, realizing that she was close to A High School, she had a sudden craving for the soybean paste noodles at an old shop near the school. She hailed a taxi to take her there.

While she was eating her noodles, she received a call from Xiaowang.

Gu Yusheng had said that he would think through what she had said, and she thought she had understood he would only be able to give a reply after Chinese New Year. Within an hour’s time, however, he had Xiaowang call to inform her that he was agreeable to her leaving.

After exchanging polite small talk with Xiaowang, she hung up and suddenly lost her appetite but, for the sake of her baby, she forced herself to finish the bowl of noodles.

Before she could get the waiter’s attention for the bill, she bolted up from her seat and dashed to the bathroom to throw up.

This time, it was considerably worse than before and, by the time she stopped vomiting, she was completely drained.

Supporting herself on the basin while panting deeply, her nose suddenly felt tingly and tears quickly welled up in her eyes.

Throughout all these years, they had parted and reunited numerous times and, every single time before parting, she had always felt a heart-wrenching sorrow.

…

Stepping out from the noodle restaurant, Qin Zhi’ai had planned to hail a taxi and head home. As she passed by A High School, however, she recalled that, before she had left Beijing two weeks ago, she had written a letter to Mr. S.

I wonder if he might have replied to my letter by now?

As this thought flashed in her mind, Qin Zhi’ai walked toward the security guard room and flipped through the stack of letters on the table. Sure enough, she found Mr. S’s letter in the stack.

…

When she got home, Qin Zhi’ai packed her luggage and left early for the South station.

Hopping onto the train for Hangzhou, she tore open Mr. S’s letter.

Probably because she had previously mentioned that she hoped to visit Changbai Mountain someday, Mr. S had written a long guide about all the things she could do at Changbai Mountain.

In her previous letter to Mr. S, she had mentioned that she was reunited with the man she loved. Mr. S hadn’t reply to this news and, instead, had written something unexpected in the final paragraph.