Back Then, I Adored You

Qin Zhi’ai went to the bathroom first, threw the pregnancy test strips into the trash can, and then carried out the garbage bag.

She took the elevator to the first floor. When stepping out of the elevator, Qin Zhi’ai looked down at her high-heeled shoes, touched her flat underbelly, and then threw the garbage bag into the trash can. After she had returned to her apartment, she changed into a pair of flat-soled white shoes.

On the way to dinner, Qin Zhi’ai carefully analyzed her predicament.

First, I’m single, and Gu Yusheng is married, so it’s a given that Gu Yusheng, as the father, won’t accept this child.

Second, I don’t have much money, and raising a child costs a lot. If I have this child, a life with me might not be a good one.

And finally, I’m not ready to be a mother!

The most sensible thing I can do is have an abortion as soon as possible.

Qin Zhi’ai ordered a full and a questionably healthy meal once at the restaurant. While waiting, she searched on her cell phone for information about what pregnant women should be doing for a healthy pregnancy.

Overwhelmed with her predicament, Qin Zhi’ai ate her entire meal.

Once outside the restaurant, the night wind was cold, and she immediately felt wide awake.

She stood by the roadside, stared at the resplendent street, and finally stopped a taxi and went to the nearby hospital.

Once there, she made an emergency request for a blood test. The result came back quickly and, combined with the results of her pregnancy test strips, made her pregnancy a fact.

Taking the test sheet and leaving the hospital, Qin Zhi’ai did not rush home. Instead, she wandered into a cafe, ordered a cup of sour plum juice, and sat by the window to stare mindlessly out the window.

As it got later, fewer cars and pedestrians were on the streets. Once the lights had faded out, Qin Zhi’ai had come to a decision.

With all the problems identified in the future, this new life inside me does not make me rational.

Even if she couldn’t live with Gu Yusheng, even if her child would be born into a single-parent family, even if she and the child would struggle in the future, and even if she would become the target of insults and gossip because of a premarital pregnancy, the true desire in her heart was to keep this baby.

When she had been Liang Doukou’s body double, she had known that contraceptives were bad for her health, but she always took them without fail. Had she become pregnant at that time, she knew she would have given birth to the child without hesitation, and she had to avoid that at all costs.

But if she were to give birth to this child, she would have to leave this city.

Qin Zhi’ai bit her lower lip and moved slightly to look out the window. A touch of sadness flashed across her eyes.

Gu Yusheng, giving birth to this child might be the last thing I can do for you voluntarily, with all my strength and without any desire for anything in return.

After a long time, Qin Zhi’ai looked away, took out her cell phone, and looked for Professor Zhu’s phone number. She wanted to call him but, because it was past 11, she sent a text message instead. “Professor Zhu, last time we talked, you told me you could recommend me as a foreign exchange student. Is there any chance you could consider this now?”