Chapter 219 - SHEN JI YUN'S DECISION
SHEN JI YUN was driving towards the airport. He knew that today was the day that Luo Yan would leave and return to S City. He also knew the time of their scheduled flight since he asked Bai Ze about it in passing yesterday. He actually planned to wake up early so he could go to the airport early. Then wait for Luo Yan there. But unfortunately, he woke up later than he expected.
It's all because he barely managed to sleep. His mind had been constantly occupied for the rest of the night and lasted until almost morning. It's like all his brain cells were in overdrive. Making him unable to sleep. He probably only managed to for about one or two hours.
The reason why was pretty obvious. All because he realized his feelings for Luo Yan. He finally found out the name of that unknown emotion that continued to grow inside of him the longer he spent time with Luo Yan.
Love.
An emotion he never thought he would feel for someone who's not family. But he did. After that discovery, all the unexplainable things he had been feeling whenever he's with Luo Yan finally made sense. If he was someone who had already experienced something like this before, then he would probably have long realized why he was feeling that way. If he just sat down and think carefully, the answer would probably automatically come to him.
But sadly, this was the first time he ever felt this way. That's why he ended up all confused and muddled. Like a child who couldn't find the answer to a very easy question no matter how hard he looked. Now that he knew the answer, he suddenly realized how stupid he had been. Going around and around in circles, only to find out that the answer was pretty simple. If he could punch his past self, he probably already did.
This emotion that was currently filling his whole being, it was like being overjoyed and completely baffled at the same time. Feeling giddy inside like there were thousands of butterflies constantly flying in your stomach. But at the same time, also making your brain all fuzzy like you couldn't even think properly. It was certainly not a very comfortable feeling. But he welcomed it all the same.
How could he not when it was the proof that he fell in love with Luo Yan.
He suddenly blushed. He was still not used to saying that out loud inside his mind. And then immediately shook his head. Why was he being embarrassed all by himself?
Shen Ji Yun knew that realizing his own feelings was just the start. Now, he had to think on how he would proceed. Would he just be content with looking on to him and never trying to confess his feelings? To retain this peaceful status quo? Or would he go on ahead and do his best to make him feel his love?
Honestly, he couldn't really give an answer right now. Because there were a lot of things to consider. If he was someone reckless who never thought about the future, then he would certainly do the letter. It meant that he was not worried about the future. That he was willing to let Luo Yan go down this road. Even if this road was full of thorns.
But he couldn't do that. Not when there's a high chance that Luo Yan would be hurt. That he would experience all kinds of discrimination. That at the end of it all, he would just end up hurt and battered. How could Shen Ji Yun ever let that happen?
He glanced at his clock dashboard and saw that it's nearing Luo Yan's flight. He immediately speeded up and drove the car as if someone was chasing him.
Soon, he arrived at the airport. And just his luck, when he parked his car and climbed out, his gaze immediately caught that familiar figure standing at the distance. Before he could think, he already found himself calling him.
"Yan Yan!"
When he turned around and showed him that sweet, bright smile, Shen Ji Yun felt like his time just stopped. The answer he was looking for just presented itself in front of him.
No, he couldn't give up on his feelings. He couldn't just give up on Luo Yan.
He didn't want this love to remain lock inside him. Never seeing the light of day. To fully and freely express this emotion to Luo Yan. To do everything in his power to make Luo Yan fall for him.
It might be something selfish – to pull him down in this kind of path. But he just could not let it all end this way, without him even telling his feelings. He wanted to be the one always standing on Luo Yan's side. He wanted to be there during his times of happiness, sadness, triumph, and failure. To give him all the support he could give. To bring him all the happiness he so deserved.
He wanted to be the partner who would be there for the rest of his life. To live with him until their face were covered in wrinkles and their hair all turned white. To experience all the things that life had to offer. Together.
If Luo Yan would give him the greatest honor of allowing him to stay by his side as that one special partner, then he would work all his life to love him. He would never let a time come when Luo Yan would regret that decision. And the only way to do that was through action – to show him with his deeds just how much he treasured him.
But as he said, going down this path would not be easy. They wouldn't only be under the scrutiny of society but their families and friends as well. They would be judged harshly, maybe even criticized in the most awful way, especially in this kind of country where same-sex relationship was deeply frowned upon. But wasn't that why Shen Ji Yun was here?
He would shield Luo Yan from all of those things. All the negative emotions that people would throw at them, he would receive it all. He would never allow any of it to reach Luo Yan. The only thing he would bring to him was happiness. Loads and loads of it.
So, he finally made a decision. He would do his best to chase after Luo Yan. No matter how many years it would take, no matter rejections he might face, he would never ever give up.
With that in mind, he took a step forward. Towards the direction of the boy who would be his only future.
*****
Are you seeing the new design of the author's note in the app? It's kind of hassle since I love doing mini-theaters and this new design totally cuts them off (since they're a bit long). So, I'm putting this here in case it would get cut off too. Anyways, if you see a mini-theater or if the author's note looked incomplete, just try to click on the A/N to read the whole thing. (⌒_⌒;)